The Key to a Fulfilled Life

Life’s greatest fruit – a fulfilled life – is always at the end of the branch. You have to be willing to fall out of the tree to get it.

The key is to have people around you who can catch you if you happen to fall. So grow your network of trusted friends around you as you go taking risks to grab the fruit of life. You will be truly successful (fulfilled) only if these people support you.

Who are these people? They are:

Partner and Family - Family support is crucial and essential. You need to fall in love with your job at hand to be successful. You partner should also indulge in your love affair with your business. The family has got to be tolerant and listen to you when you have ideas to discuss, and then give you the support. What are families for? If they do not give you this support, I don't think they love you enough and you need to either quit your dream or your family.

Mentors - Don't be afraid to ask for help. Surround yourself with mentors - each with a specific knowledge that you do not have. They will teach you, if you are humble enough to want to learn. When mentors invest their energy in you, they want you to succeed, it’s a great sense of accomplishment for them to see you succeed.

Your employees – Hire the best and respect them for their skills. You cannot be master of all trades - but, you can easily pick up the basics from them and then let the experts deal with the specific challenges. Empower each of your employees to make decisions, trust them.

Above all: Be receptive, the real rewards will come to those who keep an open mind to feedback, drive for new opportunities and a far-sighted eye out for obstacles.

Emotional Abuse

Patrix's post got me charged up about this issue. I have lived through emotional abuse as a child and because of my personal experience, I am especially sensitive to this subject and still bear the scars. I do not know if I will ever get over it, I am however making a very conscious effort to do so.

To love and be loved is the very reason of existence for human beings. We are social beings and being isolated and lonely does not work. Children are the most vulnerable lot when it comes to the need for love. When that love is conditional, it is an abuse that is so deep seated that it never cures.

Quoting Andrew Vachss - "Emotional abuse is the systematic diminishment of another. It may be intentional or subconscious (or both), but it is always a course of conduct, not a single event. It is designed to reduce a child's self-concept to the point where the victim considers himself unworthy—unworthy of respect, unworthy of friendship, unworthy of the natural birthright of all children: love and protection."

The parents abuse their power over the child by -

• Bullying and demeaning the child's efforts: "You can never get it right!", "You are so stupid!", "You'll never be a success like XX", "I'm ashamed you're my child", "You have humiliated me in front of my colleagues!"

• Guilt: "Do you have any idea how much we had to do for you, and this is what you show us as your gratitude?", "How can you be so cruel to the parents who brought you to this world, clothed you, fed you, and took care of you!"

• Fear: The child thinks - "I wish I hadn't made father so mad, he would not have hit me this way", "It was my fault, really. I just seem to provoke her somehow."

• Withholding love: Children are made to 'earn' their parent's love by fulfilling futile demands, e.g. being first in 4th grade. (Tell me, really, what effect does that rank have in the kid's lifetime achievement, why torture him/her so much for it?)

• False endearments and excuses: "Dear, don't you know how much we love you? How can a mother/ father not love their child, after all we gave birth to you, it's the law of nature", "We get mad at you only because we love you so much, we are crazy about you."
  

This abuse is sometimes physical - but more often the deeper, lasting wound is emotional where the child is encouraged to believe that he/she is "no good". Children get conditioned to try to explain what the parents are doing to them by assuming the blame for their own abuse - often feeling that the abuse they are suffering was their own fault. I grew up with pathologically strict standards at home and was forced to be an adult from the age of three. I miss my childhood, and when I hear stories of others' care-free childhood, I cannot help but feel overwhelmingly sad. Those days cannot be retrieved - they are gone forever, lost. And the victims do not "just get over it" when they become adults - their lives often are marked by a deep, pervasive sadness.

Some abusers are proud to practice emotional abuse. And they justify their psychological brutality by asserting that this practice helps their children to "toughen up" and make them ready for the 'real world'. And when faced with questions many years hence, these parents also justify the abuse by "Look how well you turned out! You are such a successful adult now. It was all because we were so tough on you."
Nothing can be further from the truth. The end does not justify the means - beating children does not produce good citizens.

A common story: Parents love their kid. They want a bright future for the kid. So, with all their might, they hold the kid’s face to the books for twenty years – no fun or friends allowed. In their mind, they are doing this for the kid’s future – he/she will grow up with a sound education and will be able to pursue a respectable career and become “successful”. Very noble intentions, right? But what happens? The kid is lonely, develops no people skills for twenty years, and by the time its time to lift-off into the brilliant career the parents so wished for, the kid has a nervous breakdown. He/she spends time in and out institutions for rest of the life. Parents are upset and depressed – they cannot believe this happened and blame the kid even more for not living up to their expectations.

The effects of emotional abuse:

• I have seen that most children emotionally abused as a kid suffer from the constant need for approval, be it peers, friends, family, siblings, colleagues, managers, the list goes on.

• These victims cannot seem to draw the line between approval and love, between attention and affection. Growing up they have experienced that love and affection is only conditional. So when they do get approval or the slightest attention, they think they are being loved as well and often set themselves up for disappointment.

• Some later perpetuate the cycle with their own children, just because they do not know any better and are conditioned to thinking one way.

• Some develop a severely damaged self-concept and inability to truly engage and bond with others. For example, I was not able to make friends in school, I never felt I belonged. I always felt different and could not connect. The almost-inevitable failure of relationships reinforces that sense of unworthiness - it's a vicious cycle.

• These victims are never satisfied with their success because of the deep rooted sense of unworthiness instilled by their parents. They are programmed to fail so effectively that a part of their own personality "self-parents" by belittling and humiliating themselves. They always remain hungry.
  

What should you do if you have been a victim? Well, I am still working on figuring that out. Here are some ideas that have worked for me, may be it will help you:

1. Believe in yourself - Tell yourself several times a day that "You are what you are today DESPITE of your childhood, not because of it." Recognize that you have been hurt and that there is nothing you can do about the past. Applaud yourself that you have survived it, no thanks to your abusers, but on your own tenacity.
2. Become responsible for your behavior from now on - you and only you have the power over yourself. Dissociate yourself from your abusers, if that is what it takes. You want to make sure that you do not get hurt anymore.
3. Accept that you are not responsible for your abuser's behavior. You do not deserve to be abused, no matter what the abuser tries to sell you. Flex your power and let them know that they do not have any control on you. You make the rules and they play by it from now on. If they choose not to, then they loose you for good, and frankly you do not care anymore. They now have to 'earn' your love just like you had to when you were a kid.
   
4. Should you forgive? That is a very tough one. Personally, I am having a very difficult time with this. I think it depends if you can be at peace with yourself after all the painful history. This act of forgiveness is targeted to release yourself from your own anger. Do not confuse this by equating this to an act of forgiveness where you absolve your abusers for their guilt (if they feel any after all these years) of hurting you. They have to battle with their own guilt and it's their penance. You should take no responsibility for their emotional well-being and you are NOT responsible for their rehabilitation.
   

Do not get pressured by anyone to forgive (or not to forgive) your abusers. You need to go through this fourth and most difficult step on your own time and at your own pace - the right to forgive belongs to you and only you, you choose when and how, and it's perfectly all right to never forgive them. But do focus on releasing your anger, because it still hurts you and does you no good. Work on self-preservation.

I am at this difficult last step and am constantly battling on how to release my anger of being wronged, of being deprived of my childhood years. It is very hard and it will probably take me many more years to overcome.

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Reading suggestion: Check out Andrew Vachss' work on this topic. You can find some good articles here. There is a lot to think about.

I feel guilty all the time....

Professional women suffer this the most. May be it's a gender issue. I have not seen men go through this emotion as much as women. Wonder why that is?

Most common issues among my female colleagues are -

• Mothers feel guilty leaving their kid at the day care.
  
• Professionals feel that they do not have time for their family.
  
• Others feel the same since they have to leave work early, they are compromising their career.
  
• No cooked meal on the table every night.
  
• The bills are sometimes late.
  
• The laundry is not folded properly.
  
• The dishwasher is not cleared out.
  

The list goes on and on... There is no end.

No, it's not work-life balance issue that is not solvable. It is in fact a bad case of GUILT. Guilt is an all prevailing undercurrent of their lives, or at least in the first 10-15 years of professional life with a growing family. But why does it need to be this way? Why do they spend so much time consumed by this and feel miserable? Is it necessary?

I think guilt is the number one effectiveness-killing emotions, and is absolutely useless since it wastes energy and time. Can regret and remorse really change anything? If you are busy feeling guilty, when do you have the time to really get something done!

To tell the truth, we are conditioned to feel guilty since we are kids. And it's a very hard habit to break. Parents, teachers, neighbors, family, religion, all use guilt to regulate our behavior. We are taught from the childhood that there are strict right and wrong behavioral rules and we are expected to feel good and bad respectively. This conditioning is carried over to adulthood and reinforced by society at every step on the way.

But, guilt is the perfect excuse for not changing oneself. If people do something that is not helping, they tend to 'pay their dues' by feeling bad about it, and then go on living. They take no risks and make no effort to improve. The easy way out is feeling guilty.

Guilt also allows them to hold others responsible for their actions. They exonerate themselves from the wrongdoing. They look for winning approval and pity of others - after all they are feeling guilty, hence they are absolved, and others should be sorry for them. They prove to the world that they are a wonderful, conscientious and caring person. If only there were not these extenuating circumstances forced on them by the evil world, they would have come through. They prefer to be pitied, but refuse to take responsibility for their choice!

This malady often manifests itself often as a bad case of "should - have". 'I should have asked for an approval.' "I should have added this to my to-do list.' 'I should have started this project earlier.' Wake up! Past is history. What will you do differently, now, and in the future?

Feeling guilty over what does not get done is your ticket to misery, lifelong misery. Why do you expect that everything will be done? You may have a long to-do list of things to do in a day, why do you expect that 100% needs to be complete by the end of the day? Just make time for the important things, the rest will resolve itself.

This is no secret, of the the 100 things on your list of things to do, only 20% are actually important. You need to attend to only those. Others will solve over time. The key is to identify which of those 100 items is important. Note, I did not say urgent, I said important. There is a big difference. 99% of what you think is actually urgent, is not! Clear up your mind and thinking, try to identify the difference between urgent and important. Focus on the important first.

Here is some advice from Jack Collis:

• Recognize the past for what it is. Write 10 things down that you wish you hadn't done. Then write 10 things you wish you had done. Give yourself five points for each item that feeling bad about would really help. What's your score? It's zero, isn't it?

• Practice feeling guilty. Set aside 15-20 minutes a day and think of a past event to feel bad about. Feel guilty. Beat yourself up for it. Pity, anger, worry, bring them all on. Then step back and see what an enormous drain of energy it takes to feel guilty. Why do it?

• List all the things you are avoiding by feeling guilty. What are you planning to do about them? In reality, you can avoid doing almost anything by feeling guilty, being lazy, lacking direction. Why don't you spend your time resolving to actually do something about the situation rather than sitting out there and feel guilty about it?

• Accept responsibility for the choices you make. They are yours, be it mistakes or misfortunes, own them. You have the right to be wrong sometimes, it's OK. As long as you do something about it, resolve to never repeat it, it's all right.

• Dissociate yourself from guilt wielders. The world is full of such people who cast off their bad feelings on to others. Ignore them, and better yet, throw them out of your life. They are not your friends, they are your worst enemies. Stick with people who help you construct a good life, not with people who fill you will useless emotions.

The worst case of guilt is demonstrated by young mothers going to work leaving the kid behind at day care feeling miserable all day and wondering if their career is worth it. You bet it is well worth it! Please do not feel guilty - it does not do anything for you or your kid. Instead accept that you are human and life does not flow smoothly, and think long term. Things are going to be lopsided and messy and often - but over time, it's all going to ease out. Your son/daughter will not curse you for leaving him/her behind when he/she grows up. Instead he/she will admire you as a superwoman who went for a career while loving him/her as much as you could. Just do it, don't waste time and energy feeling guilty.
I suggest you read Chapter 15 from "Ambition is not a Dirty Word". She has very good practical tips on dealing with this issue.

Personally for me, it has been a very difficult journey weeding guilt out of my life. I don't think I am at the end of the road yet - it's not easy to reverse 30+ years of parental and social conditioning! But I am on my way, I hope you will join me as well, for your own sake.

Why does (s)he keep bothering me?!

This has happened to all of us. I am sure each of us has faced at least one person in our professional life who we felt is out there to get us. It has been irritating, sometimes even unbearable to deal with. We have asked ourselves often - Why me? What did I do? Why can't this person see my side of things? How can he/she be so stupid? Why is he/she after me?

There is no silver bullet to solve this situation. But there are some things you can definitely do to get your peace of mind back. The five steps below has been based on my experience, it has been a slow learning process. But it has worked for me over the years, may be it will help you. I warn you, it is not easy and takes a lot of effort.

1) Practice tolerance. Seems like a saintly advice, but you have to do it. Practice tolerance and not only will the world become an easier place to live, you will find it a bit more peaceful too. Next time when a big fat SUV cuts in front of you on the freeway, albeit very dangerously, resist the urge to give him/her your choice words and gestures. Let it go. Thank your stars that you are an alert driver and you lived. Let go. Tell yourself, twenty times if need be, that this problem is not yours, it's the other driver's. It's that person who does not have control on his/her life, but you do. Choose to not make adrenalin rush through your veins. Yes, it's your choice.

2) Pick your battles. Not all battles are worth fighting, even if you know very well that you are on the right side and the co-worker is totally wrong. Only those that you know deep in your heart that you are 100% right and will provide you a long term benefit is worth taking the arms for. Fighting small battles every day makes your blood pressure high, keeps you stressed, and in general does not serve any purpose. I have been through this phase and I know. The stress is not worth it. Pick the battle that affects your career, and let go of the others.

3) Look at the long term goal. Keep your eye on the 5-10 year plan you have for yourself. Whenever a situation comes along that gets you all riled up, ask yourself if it's worth the emotional investment in the long run. Did a 6/10 in math in 4th grade really affect your graduation from high school? But you were all stressed out at 4th grade as if it was a life and death situation! (You probably felt so because of the looming image of a good smack from dad when you went home and told him the bad grade! Heh! Heh!)

A friend of mine was recently all worked up because she had to repeat a month of residency, forced on her by an inconsiderate attending physician. Yes, it did cause her some near term inconvenience, e.g. had to change schedules, make alternate plans, postpone a vacation, etc.; but in the long term it will not have any impact on her career. She will, and I know for sure, be a great doctor, and five years from now, this extra month will have vanished from her memory and from everyone she will be dealing with. So, whenever you are faced with a 'sky is falling on me' situation, just step back and think what effect it may have 10 years from now. If it seems that there will be none, just let the tide go over you, bob up and down with it, focus on staying afloat, do not fight it, preserve your energies for bigger and better things.

4) Focus inwards. The only person you have control on is yourself. No matter how much you will it, you do not have the power to change the co-worker or even make that person understand your point of view. Yes, it's good to try and I highly recommend it, but don't waste too much of your energy on it.

What do you do when you have a situation where the co-worker is out to get you, he/she is saying things behind your back, or making really stupid decisions, making you stand out with the wrong implications, etc.? I bet this has happened to almost all of us, at least once in our lifetime. Assuming that you went through the three steps above and it still bothers you, here is what you do - think of how you can change to diffuse the situation.

A very wise lady, now my mentor, advised me - take that person out to lunch. Yes, it's that simple. Ask him/ her to go out for lunch, alone with you. Go somewhere far where there are no other co-workers to bother and buy him/her the lunch. Sit down and chat about everything but work. Find out the personal side of that person - what makes him/her tick? What is the family situation, does he/she like baseball or hockey, ask for a restaurant recommendation....

Often the very fact that you have shown him/her the attention will diffuse the tension that was building up between the two of you. I agree, it's very hard to do this. You hate that person's guts after all the injustice he/she has been doing to you. But you know what, every human being is the center of his/her universe. This 'prick' was probably behaving badly with you because of his/her own insecurities, and more often than not, craving for your attention and recognition. So, give it. Don't fake it, genuinely give it. People develop very good fake detectors by the time they turn six, so do not fake it. It will be very obvious even if you consider yourself an Oscar worthy actor.

Also ask yourself, could it be that you were being a prick to him/her? Were you trying to enforce your thoughts on that person when he/she was not ready? Were you being insensitive? Please analyze yourself too - you will probably find at least few things that you were doing wrong that you could fix. Self improvement is key to your peace of mind.

5) Leave, quit. Cut your losses and leave. There are always situations when even after you have put in your best effort, changed yourself to fix the problem, tried to make people see sense and they still don't budge. At that time just quit. It is often not worth the excessive emotional investment, your only alternative is to leave. Just do it.

Here is an example from my life, happened not too long ago. I was given the responsibility of this great project, I was all enthused and excited. The person who was leading the project before me (lets call her M) had created a mess of a situation, but by a miracle of system mismanagement, she found herself promoted to a position to oversee this project, above me but not be responsible for it anymore. Which means, she could meddle as much as she wanted, but when there was a mess to be cleaned up, it was all my responsibility. For four months I labored on the project, built the team, planned the project, worked diligently on executing the project. Everything went smoothly between the team and me, except when she chose to poke her nose into it. She did that often, and when you were least expecting it, out of the blue. We locked horns, often in front of the whole office, shouting at each other.

But what can one do? I refused to accept responsibility for decisions that were not mine! I could do the job hundred times better than she could, and she knew it! Was it jealousy that made her mess up my work? Well, I tried all the above mentioned four steps. All my efforts failed. Then, I frankly went up to the upper management and quit! I said that the only way they could still keep me involved in this project is if they could give me in writing that if this project runs aground, I will not be held responsible. Oh yes, I had all the documentation to back me up. They asked me to give it a try for another 4-6 weeks, we had a face to face meeting with M, to try and resolve the problems. It eased a trifle in the ensuing weeks, but not enough to put me at ease. So, at the end I moved on.

Believe me, life has a way of resolving itself and for the better. I actually got 'promoted' to a better position, onto program management. The fundamental project execution plan that I had created and the team I had built eventually went on to finish the project properly and successfully. M's responsibilities were slowly curtailed over the ensuing months and she was eventually made redundant - it was quite obvious over time that she was incompetent.

I am thus a firm believer that good always triumphs over the bad. I did go through the 'birthing' pains, but I have been renewed by this challenging experience. I feel that I now have a deeper insight into people's psyche. I still have ways to go, but this is a good start, don't you think?

"A woman can't do this in a man's world....."

"A woman can't do this in a man's world....."
"It's so hard..."
"Women have to face difficult choices of career versus motherhood...."
"I hardly get any time for myself...."

I hear a lot of these from women, professional women. Unfortunately, many of these complaints tend to become a self-fulfilling prophesy.

In my opinion, there are only three keys to success: hard work, determination, and knowledge.
Luck and gender has nothing to do with it.

I will talk about the three keys in latter posts, this one deals with perceived gender barriers.

I have talked with several successful women - CEOs, entrepreneurs, scientists, engineers - none of these women ever told me they had hit the proverbial 'glass ceiling'. I am yet to be as successful as them, but my personal experience has been the same. If you have a goal to achieve, are willing to put in the effort, have the unwavering belief in yourself, and the knowledge base of experience to draw from, I do not think there is any ceiling, glass or rock or otherwise, out there to stop you.

Growing up, I never let the gender issue affect me, specially in the choice of my career. When I went into Civil Engineering, it never really crossed my mind that I was entering a supposedly 'male-dominated' field and that this would be of any hindrance to my success.

The first time I was made aware of any limitations was while applying for my Masters at a US university. It came from totally unexpected quarters - a very renowned and respected professor at my university in India. To the students, he was the most 'progressive' professor of the lot, he talked with a crisp accent, prepared his lectures well (not read out from 1960's notes), and used audio-visual techniques while teaching. So when I went to him to get a recommendation for my application, he totally surprised me by saying - " Why are you wasting so much of your dad's money on these applications and studies abroad. You women will only work for couple years and then get married, have children and give up your career. Why waste all this time, energy, and money on something that you will never pursue to the end. Civil engineering is really not a career for you women, I still do not see why you girls come to study this subject and waste a good seat for a talented young boy!"
Of course I was crestfallen - my revered professor had this opinion! All my respect for him vanished that day. But to tell the truth, he was probably correct - out of the women who did study civil engineering with me, only 40% have retained a career in the field of our training, most have given up. As long as those who have given up are at peace with their choice, I really have no problems. But I do have issues with women who are either pursuing the field while continuously whining; or those who have quit the profession thinking they cannot break the so-called ceiling.

Gender difference is actually good. Women can do better because we perceive and apply information better. The worst a woman can do is to desire to be equal to a man. We are different and thank god for it! Different does not mean that one is lesser than the other, on the contrary, women have the ability to far exceed men in some areas. For example, motivation. Men tend to expect people to be self-motivated. Women, on the other hand, tend to motivate people by words and deeds - and this skill, if applied in business, is invaluable.

I think most women do a great disservice by being dishonest with themselves. (Yes, some men do too, but we are talking about women here.) We want and demand equality but we are not willing to pay the price for it. We want to excel at our work but we complain at the same time that it leaves no time to be a mother or no time for ourselves. This is not right. Of course we can be mothers, homemakers, and still be best in our professions! We have to pay the price for it - self determination, hard work, and acceptance of complete responsibility of the family, the work we do, and of ourselves. No excuses, no whines. Nothing is free - you have to pay for every ounce of 'want' you fulfill.

This is the hard truth of life irrespective of your gender - you have to learn to accept it.

I have a good friend who is the CEO of a major corporation, and a mother of three teenagers. She said (I paraphrase): "During my life, I often found myself working along parallel tracks. On one hand I was laboring with great zeal on my children's emotional and physical needs. On the other hand, I was striving toward my own professional goals. The fear of being unable to maintain the necessary pace was sometimes overwhelming. I would discipline myself to take time off every few weeks/months, as required, and sit back and objectively evaluate the choices I was making. And every time it would only affirm my choices. I have no regrets, neither does my family."

Another story from Debra Condren, the author of Ambition is Not a Dirty Word: She went through a lot of troubled times, raising a kid through a divorce, being a single mom while earning the dough and studying. Her crowning glory was when her son told her, many years later, that he respects his mom very much for having followed her dreams and he wants to do the same. (Read the book, I highly recommend it)

There are so many stories similar to these - bottom line is that we have to just get up and start on the journey towards our dreams and be ready to pay the toll with determination, hard work, and accepting responsibility.

You are only limited by your own goal setting.

QA QC

I have noticed that many professionals, and even very accomplished managers, tend to lump 'quality assurance and quality control' together as if they occur together and mean the same. In reality, QA and QC are two as different a concept as can be! I hope I will be able to dispel a bit of that confusion.

Every organization seeks to achieve higher quality in their work, whether it is a product or a service they offer. These organizations seek to maximize the ability to meet its goals with a minimum of mistakes, inefficiency, and waste. And why not, this endeavor has many long-term benefits: reduction of costs, a delighted client, good future business prospects, etc. The process to achieve this continuous improvement has several steps and is, however, usually mistakenly termed QAQC.

QA (Quality Assurance) is a set of activities (e.g. a quality audit) that are aimed to ensure that the processes followed in the organization are actually happening properly and meeting the objectives. For example, a document control audit to check if all correspondence is being filed properly at the right place for easy access and future retrieval is a QA exercise. QA also works to develop processes to better handle issues. For example, when a problem has been identified in the project execution, say drawings are being issued for construction without a mechanical engineer's review, the QA manager will then modify the project execution process to include a step that includes a review of drawings by a mechanical engineer. So, the bottom line definition is that QA is that it is process focused, that is, development of methodology and standards. The goal of QA is to find a problem in the processes and make sure the checks are implemented at the right level of detail.

QC (Quality Control), on the other hand, is the set of activities that evaluate the product. So, in the above mentioned example, the mechanical engineer checking the drawings is a QC activity. This activity is focused on finding defects in particular deliverables. In a production line, inspection and testing of a sample would be QC. Here the task is to find if the deliverable / product meets the stated level of detail and specification requirements. To stress the point - this is a fault finding activity.

Now, the confusion arises, I think, is because organizations are not sure about assigning responsibility for these two activities. More often than not, these activities are assigned to the same individual - the project manager. This is not the right approach, and I have seen many cases in my career where the final quality of the project suffers due to this.

In my opinion, the project manager should be only responsible for QA and not for QC. Of course, it also depends on scope of projects. For a $5M or less construction projects, the resources are usually strapped and the PM is forced to do both, and usually manages to do a good job. But, in projects, especially $50M+ projects, it will be near impossible for a PM to do both QA and QC and produce good results. There are too many details to consider and the focus shifts away from QA thereby compromising the project. For such projects, the PM should focus on QA and QA only. He/She should have the lead engineer or a third technically savvy engineer deal with the QC part of the project. When setting up the project the PM will need to put sufficient QC check points in his/her project execution strategy to ensure the 'fault finding' is adequately happening on the project and the quality of the final deliverables going out of the door meets (or exceeds) the quality standards promised to the client. His/her job is to constantly monitor the operations to make sure the QC checks and the recification is happening. On projects greater than $150M, there should be dedicated QA manager.

10 in 60 Rule

When I was a kid, my dad enforced a rule of doing 10 math problems every day. It was mandatory. Now, it was not that big a deal when you are starting on a lesson and doing the first 10 out of the 40 problems in that chapter; you could handle them in 10 minutes. But, towards the end of the chapter, the last 10 problems usually would take an hour or more, they used to be the most difficult ones. But you survive the hard one and then move on to the next lesson the next day and get a respite with some easy ones too.

The 10 in 60 Rule is a kind of enhancement on the same principle in adult life. I am a strong believer of incrementalism. The million mile walk starts with the first step, and then each succeeding step matters, a slow and steady march towards the finish.

How do you improve quality in your service / product / workplace? Add 10 improvements every 60 days. They do not have to be major - just focus on the little improvements - things the customer / user will not notice immediately.

Examples:

• At home, clear the sink of all dishes before going to bed.
• Get your secretary a comfortable chair.
• Print double sided unless absolutely necessary to print single sided.
• Put a "Thank you" note with every order / invoice you send out.

Focus on the details, the small items. Details matter and eventually can save you a lot of money. In a year it will be 60 ways you have improved your world and the aggregate will be noticed. The dividends will be great. You do not need to run a major PR campaign to bring about a mammoth change - do it in small things, everyday.

Encourage your staff to do the same - have an ideas box at the office. Read the ideas every week and adopt them. You will be amazed how many good ideas come through. Change behavior, turn all energy positive, reward the accomplishments.

And, last but not the least - keep a running list of the changes made. It will help you judge your progress and also make you (and your staff) feel happy about the positive changes. It will boost confidence and promote a healthy working atmosphere.

People are our greatest resource

This, or a different version of the title above, usually features in almost all companies' vision or motto. Unfortunately, it does not get implemented and is probably the most overlooked issue. I sincerely believe that nurturing and growing people leads to a sound corporation/ business and increased productivity (= profitability); but I am yet to figure out why the leaders of most companies do not put more emphasis on this issue? Yes, most companies enforce bi-annual reviews, but I find these being done grudgingly, for the sake of just doing it, because 'corporate' and HR has asked for it. The heart is usually not in this exercise - why?

How many days does a supervisor/manager spend reviewing the performance of his/her reports? Giving feedback, asking about career goals, building the employee's confidence, challenging the employee to the next step of his/ her career....
In my last 10 years of work, I have seen only one person committed to this.

The number one leadership skill is the ability to develop others. And even if you are very conceited and want to think of your own growth, developing others will actually help you. If you can train your subordinate to grow into your position, then you get to climb another rung too! Why are most managers so short sighted? What holds them back?

Here is what you should do - say you have 10 direct reports. Then in your calendar, book two days twice a year to do only 'performance reviews' - yes, that's 40 days - yes, that's a month and half of your calendar year. And YES, it is well worth it. Make these reviews effective - talk about where you've been together and where you're going next. Align your report's goals with yours. Do both short term (3-9 months) and long term (1-3 years) planning, set goals and then set monthly milestones. I guarantee you, it will work wonders.

After all, what do you want from your employees - high productivity, commitment to do 'whatever it takes' to get the job done, loyalty, and positive energy flowing through the workplace. If you focus on developing your people, this will happen, automatically.

I once worked for a manager from whom I did 'feel the love'. And here is the story of what I did for them, not because they paid me extra, just because they were committed in my development and it was my way of showing my appreciation.

I had worked for this company for couple years and for personal reasons I was going to leave, move to another state. My relationship with my manager was so healthy that I told her that I was 'looking'. She was sad, but she understood. On a certain Wednesday, I had a job interview scheduled for 3PM. That week we were working on a very important proposal that was due on Thursday 9AM at a place 2.5 hours by air. We had been focused on this proposal all weekend, spent late nights at work on Monday and Tuesday, and was still working on it till noon on Wednesday. At noon, I took off to get ready for this interview. After the interview was over at 5PM, I called her and asked if she needed help. Of course, she did, so I went back to work. We wanted to get the proposal finished and sent off by the last FedEx at 7PM. Well, 7PM came and went, we still had changes to do. Next, we were looking at the last flights that could take us to the destination, but those were at 9:30PM, we could not make it. So, my manager and I then decided to drive - one will drive and the other will give company and make sure the driver does not snooze off. We took off at midnight and drove all night, 8 hours, to reach the destination and hand over the proposal in time. It was not an easy drive, we were very tired working so many long nights; there were times we felt that we would fall asleep at the wheel. Of course, we had loads of caffeine for company.

What do you think made me do this? I was leaving the company in few weeks time. Then, why did I feel the urge to help out in this way? Did it really matter to me if this company got that project or not? No, it was not me, it was them. The care and 'family-feel' that I felt in that company made me go the extra mile (rather 300 extra miles and back!). I think all companies, every manager, should nurture this feeling of camaraderie in their employees. The dividends are huge.

Please, invest in your people. It's well worth the effort.

PS: Yes, we did win that project. Our hard work and endeavor paid off. I left the company and was not able to work on that project, but it went well.

How do I work? I grope.

Einstein said this, and yes, he was telling the truth.
No, I am not saying that everything he discovered and invented was accidental, he was indeed a genius. What I am pointing out is that if we do not keep 'groping', there will be no success.
Another great man, Churchill, said - Never, never, never, never give up.

No single effort will solve your problem or help you achieve your dreams. It never does. If you know what you want, just stay focused on the end result. If one path fails, go back take another, then another, then another, eventually one path will work. That's the promise of life.

Three years ago I was diagnosed with a serious condition in my eyes. It took three months and about five very reputed experts to figure out that my immune system was attacking my eyes - as if my body was rejecting my eyes. It baffled the doctors, there was no reason for it, no malady present in my body that could have caused this. There was no treatment prescribed in the great medical books either. They gave me some strong immune suppressant medications (the kind they give to transplant patients so that their body does not reject the new organs) and said that we were to wish for the best.

You can imagine how worried and confused I was. I had just turned 30 and this was a big one to handle. I could not believe that my body was giving up at this age. I thought about this for few weeks and then decided that I needed a challenge - something to prove to me for sure that I was fit. I chose to run a marathon.

I was never a runner, not even when I was a kid. As a kid I used to come up with excuses at school to not participate in sports events. And now, as an adult, I had to just run half a block to get totally out of breath and red in the face. But, I started, created a plan, and stuck to it. Believe me, it was very hard. I first started walking, then walk-jog, then jogging, then running - gradually increasing my mileage every week. I used to be so sore, so tired, and the medication made me sluggish. Some days were a haze because of the medication. There were many many times when the desire to quit overwhelmed me.

I persisted and I survived. My husband and I ran the Chicago Marathon in 2006. We finished with a decent time, and I loved every moment of it - including the excruciating agony.

You can find so many more examples of perseverance. Cancer patients have triumphed over diseases, scientists have made great discoveries - there are several stories out there to inspire us.
Did you know that Edison made over 9,500 attempts before he worked out the right filament for the light bulb? So what holding you back? Get up and make the next attempt to achieve your dream.....

Pursuit of Excellence

I do not believe that one needs to 'pursue' excellence. It is not something to be acquired over time. It is a choice you make at any given moment and all the work is actually in maintaining the choice you made. It is a state of mind that you assume - tell yourself that you will not accept any low quality work from yourself from this very moment - attain perfection - the perfection that shows that you have done the work best to your ability.

Few examples:

• If you are washing your car or even doing the dishes at home, wipe every drop off water.
• If you have two bins at work, one for recycled paper and other for garbage, make sure you do not throw any recyclable paper in the garbage bin.
• If you are waiting tables, just be the best at it - make the customer happy even if others do not care.
• When you are to submit a report to your team / boss, do one last spell check and proof read before you issue it. Make sure you put into it the best effort possibly - your personal best.

Do not allow yourself to do anything worse than what you are really capable of. Why would you settle for less? You are the best in what you are capable of - then why slack off? You do not need to ever compare yourself with others - you are your measuring stick, that is all you need to succeed.

Make a conscious decision to achieve highest quality and work on maintaining it. You do not do this for others - you do it for yourself. And the benefits are huge:

• Everyone around you (Yes, your boss, your team mates, your spouse, and your kids) will notice the difference.
• You will build trust.
• You will build your own confidence in what you do.
• You feel a sense of achievement in everything you will do. This alone will make your day, everyday.

Inspiration for this thought:
Tom Watson, IBM founder - 'If you want to achieve excellence, you can get there today. As of this second, quit doing less-than-excellent work.'