Idling

Last weekend, on Sunday I did a one-day Vipassana self-course. It was a blissful experience. Even though I had my dogs with me, I meditated for ten hours, and it was an "abiding in peace" experience. My mind settled to this very joyful space of stillness and quiet pleasure. They say it is called "piti", I was so grateful to have been able to experience it.

And then came Monday. I really did not feel like getting to work. My workload is kind of light these days, so with no burning deadline, I didn't feel the urgency to focus and go into the deep-work state. So I kept doing light work all day, miscellaneous administrative stuff that the business needs done, but nothing substantial to show. By the time Tuesday rolled in, I was checking emails but realized I really did not want to get deeper into work. I was feeling guilty (Damn, you old habit pattern!!), and that's not a joyful space. Later that night, I decided I am going to experiment Idling for the rest of the week.

A dear friend often comments about me - "Whatever I see you do, I see you do with full might!" Ha! So I thought if I am to Idle, I am going to prove his observation right and see how I can excel in Idling.

How does one Idle for a whole week and be good at it?

How much Idle is good for you, and where is the limit?

Can I get bored of Idling?

What is the difference between Laziness and Idling? 

From Wednesday to Friday, I spent Idling - all three long days. My two dogs were my inspiration - how they sleep, get up, shake, drink water, walk around, then bundle up for a snooze again!

All my working life, which is not over 22 years, I have been an Energizer Bunny. Very busy, always on projects, to-do lists, and in motion. When I did not have anything, I made it a point to find something to do. Since 2010, I have been going on 10-day silent vipassana retreats, at least two a year, but even for those, there is a routine, there is a task to be done - meditation. That has usually been my life - always busy, even when I am making fun, it is busy-fun.

After I moved to San Diego in 2009, I started taking a day "off" every quarter or so. Usually it used to be a Saturday, and scheduled. I would get up when I felt like it, and make myself a big pot of khichdi (porridge). Then I'd have that for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And for the rest of the day, just lie in bed reading or napping, or on the sofa, watching some mindless TV and napping. The resting and sleeping took precedence over reading or finishing a program. My husband used to call me "vegetable"! But you know what? It would charge me up! From the next day, I'd be refreshed and ready, back being the usual Energizer Bunny. But since 2014 or so, I had stopped doing these recharge days.

So was being a vegetable being lazy? I feel that it is lazy when you really do not want to put in the work. When you don't care enough. It is not circumstantial. Me watching Netflix is lazy? Or not wanting to do work is lazy? If it is a repetitive pattern of inaction and procrastination, then maybe it is. I think everyone has their own threshold of laziness. If my husband didn't put the coffee cup in the sink and left it next to the sink, or put the dirty laundry in the vicinity of the laundry room but not in the laundry basket, I think it was lazy. There was an intent of not finishing the task. But you are allowed to take time off - and rest, and clear your mind and body of all kinds of tightness and fatigue. That is not lazy.

So what did I do in the three days of Idle?

• I checked emails once every four hours and responded to the urgent ones. I also took phone calls as necessary, but did not initiate any.
• I did not write a to-do list, though my mind was swimming in things to do. Ha!
• I lay on the sofa watching British crime dramas on Netflix, or reading some books I borrowed from the library, but mostly napping when I felt like it.
• I took my dogs for their walks twice a day, but not anything extra. They were very happy chilling with me, sometimes on me, for the whole three days.
• I made myself simple one-pot meals in the pressure cooker and ate the same for all three meals.
• I slept a lot. A LOT. Over seven hours at night and long naps during the day.
• My meditation hours were even more peaceful, I felt bright physically and mentally.
• I was very aware of sensations in my body, every movement, every morsel I ate, every glass of water I drank, almost of every step I took. It was very pleasing - I was smiling most of the time.
• I think I became a bit more kinder to myself.

I will do this again. Maybe once every month, if I can schedule it, or at least once a quarter. And I recommend this to everyone who works hard and is forever moving from one task to another. Schedule out a day of rest and nothingness. You will find it a very hard thing to do at first because it goes against the grain of your set habit patterns. But once you have it set up, this pause is very beneficial to renew and recharge.

Freo and Ozzie, Idling with Mummy

Remembering my Boro Mesho

I can't concentrate. I have a major deadline tomorrow but no words seem to come out of my fingertips except this note about my Mesho. Today I am mourning yet another cherished person in my life. This is hard, very hard.

This morning he passed away after a massive cerebral stroke. Last night he went to bed after a normal dinner, but woke up in the middle of the night not feeling well. He fell on his way to the bathroom, threw up a few times, and then started sweating profusely. Maashi knew something was wrong, she got help, and they took him to the hospital in Kolkata. By the time they did a CT scan, his brain was swimming in blood, there was little hope. He was on life support for sometime and then passed away. Maashi did get a chance to say good bye. She is a strong woman, much stronger than many women I know. I could give anything to be able to hug her right now.

This is their story, gathered from what I have heard and pieced together over the years.

Mesho and Maashi fell in love in college. We are talking late 50s - early 60s. They were both super brilliant students of economics, award winning, first class first and all. They came from very diverse backgrounds. Maashi was the oldest daughter of a very renowned teacher in Hoogly. My grandfather did not have a lot of money but he was very respected all around for his learning, so much so that he used to host councils at his home to address the major socio-economic-political issues in the region. Maashi was always there, right and center, the apple of his eye, and deservedly so because of her intellect and commanding presence. Mesho was from a very humble background, grew up with great difficulty in a farming village. From that hard life, he struggled, through with sheer determination and tenacity to become an award winning graduate from one of the most prestigious universities of India. Maashi and Mesho were a perfect fit, only for one thing - he was not of the Brahmin caste like my Maashi, and at that time, it was a big deal. Also, choosing your life partner by yourself was not common either. Furthermore, Maashi and Mesho had resolved to not pursue further education goals with scholarship abroad or life in the City or any such 'typical' careers brilliant students like them usually did,instead they wanted to go to a village and be humble schoolteachers and seed knowledge in the next generation of students.There was a lot of societal opposition to their choices, but they went ahead anyways. My grandfather greatly respected my Maashi and Mesho for their choice, and my grandmother loved Mesho very much. They lived their entire life in Pandua, then a small impoverished village 80 kms from Kolkata, but now a bustling town of more than 30,000 people. They raised three charming kids of their own, and from their two little schools they inspired thousands of young ones. When they retired, they still lived not too far from their old school and students, an inspirational beacon of knowledge. Yes, we all fantasize of doing such a thing, they actually lived and breathed that life, by volition and sheer determination. Theirs could have easily been a life of material wealth and ego, but it was a humble and beautiful life instead. Their son, Soumyadarshan, definitely has those genes of selfless service and is carrying on their good work and then some.

My earliest memory of Mesho is from when we were visiting my grandma at Bansberia, I was quite young then, may be three or so. I remember him getting off a big shining black and silver motorbike, which was a big deal to me as I did not know anyone who owned a beautiful machine like that. Then I remember him standing at the door with his large structure filling up the entire doorway as if the latter was a frame, and light was streaming from the veranda behind him, he had an aura around him. He had these mesmerizing tan eyes, I had never seen those before. In my three year old little world, he was the handsomest man I had ever seen, larger than life, and I will always remember him that way.

He used to call my grandma, Moana. All my maashis and my mom did too, but I think he had the sweetest intonation. He would call out - "O Moana" - very affectionately. I am sure my grandma's heart melted every time she heard that call. He loved her very much. In 1988, when my grandma passed away, I remember his blood shot eyes, he did not talk much that day, but I could see he was crying and was in deep pain.

He had his trials in life. In 1998, his only daughter passed away, all of a sudden, it was leukemia. He mourned for more than a decade, I don't think he ever stopped mourning her passing. It was a deep hole in his heart. He used to say, he is ready for all trials in this world but it seemed that each passing year, he was being tested and life gave him even more to bear. Last year when my mother was on her death bed, he had come over to see her, along with my Maashi. I saw those tear-soaked pain-filled eyes again. He could not bear see my mom in such a condition. It was overwhelming for him. That was the last time I saw him. It's so hard to accept that I will never see him again.

I remember him for many other reasons too. He was an inspiration for having really dedicated his life to education, being a true teacher. I am sure he had touched many lives and made an impression in them, probably much deeper than he did in mine. I am sure there will be thousands of students flocking his home paying homage to their beloved teacher.

He was an avid traveler. If he was not to be a teacher, I think he would have been a professional traveler. I used to love to listen to his tales of travel, wide eyed and daydreaming of the places he described. I think all my maternal relatives have been on vacations with him one time or the other. This year when we went to see the Stupa at Rajghir, my Mama was jumping up and down the stairs leading to the Stupa remembering the time he had come to see this with Mesho after he had just graduated from high school. Mesho had this spirit for discovery that was unparalleled. When he talked about travel, his eyes twinkled, his entire face shone with intensity and passion. It was addictive.

One beautiful memory I have of him is with my father, relaxing after lunch, in the staff quarter of Radharani Girls High School, where my Maashi was a teacher. The two of them are 'ghoti', i.e. originally from West Bengal, and not implants from East Bengal (now Bangladesh) like my mom's family. They talked at length about how aaloo posto (potatoes and poppy seed) should be made, and how the 'ghoti' method was the best. I remember them talking for almost three hours, sometimes heated - about the right way of grinding the seeds, to economics of the international posto market, to how terrior affects the quality of the potatoes from different regions of Bengal and across India, on and on. I was very young, possibly 8 years old, and I remember my younger self thinking - I wish I could record this conversation, this is so interesting, it's like reading a book (thesis) on aaloo-posto!

He could be very stubborn at times and had somewhat a flashy temper. Maashi, I would say, was very accommodating. I suppose it came from the love they shared and nurtured through the years, that lent them to be understanding and adjusting. Their younger son and I were close buddies growing up, and we used to call Mesho, Boro Royal Bengal Tiger, and my dad, Choto Royal Bengal Tiger - a testimony to their roaring capabilities. Now we can look back and laugh, but when we were kids and either of them roared, we would pee in our pants out of fright. I suppose some of his students also saw the strict disciplinarian side of him when he was their head master.

I will miss him very much. Through the years, I have not been able to meet him as often as I wanted, and I regret that. Life gets in the way of the things you want to do, and you postpone them, and then one day the opportunity is gone. But I am happy that in 2011, exactly two years ago around this time, right after Lakshmi Puja, Baba, Maa and I were able to visit Pandua and spend an entire day with him and his family. I cherish that memory, for that was a happy time when both Maa and Mesho were with us, and may be now they are sitting up there, somewhere, chatting and sipping a cup of tea. I sure like to think so.

From the people before me, To the people after me

An artist friend asked me today - Do you always have an example for every thing you say or think? Then where is your creativity? - I really liked that question. My friend and I talked for a bit and then I thought I should write a post on it.

I am an engineer, or you can also call me a scientist. When we are young, we are trained in thinking a certain logical way. The hallmark of our training is development of new ideas and 'creation' based on work previously done by others. Every thesis we write, every calculation we do, we cite references of others who have done work in this field before us. We stand on the shoulders of giants who have lived before us. No article we publish starts with the sentence - This is totally brand new. Instead, the entire ethos of the scientific community is to honestly refer to publications in the past.

Come to think of this, art is no different. The artist first learns to copy from works of people before him/her, even if it is a photograph or an object. Then, over time he/she develops his/her own style to deliver. It is a long process of learning and then creating. The integrity of a new creation has foundations in the vigorous search, authentic appreciation, and absorption of means and methods of greats before us.

In a person's lifetime, I believe, we spend most of our time in three parts - appreciation, intention, and activity. Appreciation applies to everything that has happened in the past and is happening in the present, appreciation of the happy and sad things in life, the beauty of a flower blooming, and imbibing the knowledge. We are also focused on intention, which is directed to the future where our hopes and aspirations lie. That's the 'dreaming'. And then, there is activity, without which we cannot exist. Activity is essential. The trick lies in keeping all three in harmony. It is like trying to stand on a beach ball. Just when you think you got the balance right, you fall off it. But there are moments that you do get that balance right and you understand deep down what it means to be 'in sync'. That is a feeling of nirvana! The 'Aha' moment!

Maybe the better example is trying to ride a bicycle - you eventually figure it out. It happens when you are relaxed, when you have struck a balance in dogged determination (that intense will or desire) and relinquishing a bit on effort (letting go). It is about training the mind and body to act as one, in resonance. When one stands back, watches, becomes quiet, and lets go; it happens. Creation happens! Magic happens!

The fun thing is that when you create something new, you actually lay the path for the next generation to build on it. It is like you put your own little brick in the creation of the the universe. That brick is yours and yours alone, but it is a part of the whole. Today we have space exploration projects because in the past the pyramids were built, because Galileo had seen Saturn's moons, because Newton had figured out the three laws. No one can take your brick away from you, it's your organic contribution to eternity that future generations will take and nurture to greater heights that you cannot even fathom today. And that is OK. That is life!

A Truck-load of Dung

You know that feeling when you are searching for solutions and it was right in front of you all the time, waiting for you to 'see' it. Often the solution is easy, simple to the core, and you go 'duh'! But the solution is also often very difficult to implement. One such a situation is happening in my life right now. One person very close to me is going through a difficult phase, the answer sits in front of us, but it is extremely difficult to implement.

Shell on Sand

Today I am particularly in a reflective mood, and in such times, I often open some of my favorite books to get a shot of strength. This story below touched me very much, once again.

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"A truck-load of dung" from the book "Opening the door of your heart", by Ajahn Brahm.

Unpleasant things, like coming bottom of our class, happen in life. They happen to everyone. The only difference between a happy person and one who gets depressed is how they respond to disasters.

Imagine you have just had a wonderful afternoon at the beach with a friend. When you return home, you find a huge truck-load of dung has been dumped right in front of your door. There are three things to know about this truck-load of dung :

1. You did not order it. It's not your fault.
2. You're stuck with it. No one saw who dumped it, so you cannot call anyone to take it away.
3. It is filthy and offensive, and its stench fills your whole house. It is almost impossible to endure. 

In this metaphor, the truck-load of dung in front of the house stands for the traumatic experiences that are dumped on us in life. As with the truckload of dung, there are three things to know about tragedy in our life:

1. We did not order it. We say 'Why me?'
2. We're stuck with it. No one, not even our best friends, can take it away (though they may try).
3. It is so awful, such a destroyer of our happiness, and its pain fills our whole life. It is almost impossible to endure.

There are two ways of responding to being stuck with a truck-load of dung. The first way is to carry the dung around with us. We put some in our pockets, some in our bags, and some up our shirts. We even put some down our pants. We find when we carry dung around, we lose a lot of friends! Even best friends don't seem to be around so often.

"Carrying around the dung" is a metaphor for sinking into depression, negativity, or anger. It is a natural and understandable response to adversity. But we lose a lot of friends, because it is also natural and understandable that our friends don't like being around us when we're so depressed. Moreover, the pile of dung gets no less, but the smell gets worse as it ripens.

Fortunately, there's a second way. When we are dumped with a truckload of dung, we heave a sigh, and then get down to work. Out come the wheelbarrow, the fork, and the spade. We fork the dung into the barrow, wheel it around the back of the house, and dig it into the garden. This is tiring and difficult work, but we know there's no other option.

Sometimes, all we can manage is half a barrow a day. We're doing something about the problem, rather than complaining our way into depression. Day after day we dig in the dung. Day after day, the pile gets smaller. Sometimes it takes several years, but the morning does come when we see that the dung in front of our house is all gone.

Furthermore, a miracle has happened in another part of our house. The flowers in our garden are bursting out in a richness of color all over the place. Their fragrance wafts down the street so that the neighbors, and even passers-by, smile in delight. Then the fruit tree in the corner is nearly falling over, it's so heavy with fruit. And the fruit is so sweet; you can't buy anything like it. There's so much of it that we are able to share it with our neighbors.  Even passers-by get a delicious taste of the miracle fruit.

"Digging in the dung" is a metaphor for welcoming the tragedies as fertilizer for life. It is work that we have to do alone: no one can help us here. But by digging it into the garden of our heart, day by day, the pile of pain gets less.

It may take us several years, but the morning does come when we see no more pain in our life and, in our heart, a miracle has happened. Flowers of kindness are bursting out all over the place, and the fragrance of love wafts way down our street, to our neighbors,  to our relations, and even to passers-by. Then our wisdom tree in the corner is bending down to us, loaded with sweet insights into the nature of life. We share those delicious fruits freely, even with the passers-by, without ever planning to.

When we have known tragic pain, learnt its lesson, and grown our garden, then we can put our arms around another in deep tragedy and say, softly, 'I know.' They realize we do understand. Compassion begins. We show them the wheelbarrow, the fork, and the spade, and boundless encouragement. If we haven't grown our own garden yet, this can't be done.

I have known many monks who are skilled in meditation, who are peaceful, composed and serene in adversity. But only a few have become great teachers. I often wondered why.

It seems to me now that those monks who had a relatively easy time of it, who had little dung to dig in, were the ones who didn't become teachers. It was the monks who had the enormous difficulties, dug them in quietly, and came through with a rich garden that became great teachers.

They all had wisdom, serenity and compassion; but those with more dung had more to share with the world. My teacher, Ajahn Chah, who for me was the pinnacle of all teachers, must have had a whole trucking company line up with their dung at his door, in his early life.

Perhaps the moral of this story is that if you want to be of service to the world, if you wish to follow the path of compassion, then the next time a tragedy occurs in your life, you may say, "Whoopee! More fertilizer for my garden!"

Inner Peace

During January 2010, I took a 10-day meditation course. It had profoundly changed my life and made me shift my life completely. Since then I have been practicing on and off, not as much as I should. But because my perspective on life changed so much during those 10 days, I see things very differently in regular life.

I have been re-reading "An Ancient Path" by Dr. Paul R. Fleischman. I want to share a portion of the book here that has been on my mind lately, especially with the terrible incident that happened last week that shook me to the core.
__________________________

**There was a period of time when I set about the task of studying people who attained inner peace. What do they say? How did they do it? There are people from every era of history, every culture, who address this problem in one degree or another. Here is a conclusion that seems timeless and culture-free: there are two agendas that human beings share. One agenda is to be peaceful, to be happy, I want to find "more" to life. The other agenda is safety, security; that gold Cadillac may come in handy, or gold may come in handy, you can't trust other people, history if perfidious. There could be a war; I better situate myself in a good position. With two apparently competing agendas, very idealistic or simple philosophy might conclude, well, just walk the open road. Very pragmatic, very skeptical philosophy would say: make sure you know which side your bread is buttered on. But notably successful peace seekers throughout time and place have come up with what psychiatrists call the end of splitting. Splitting is where we divide human life into antagonistic partial answers. The end of splitting is where we make complex whole answers that take away divisiveness and produce skillfully integrated middle paths. The middle path of inner peace is to live a practical, competent, skillful, worldly life, during which every moment is also infused with the spirit of harmony and peace. Peace is part of survival, not its antagonist. Rather dividing or splitting adaptation and harmony, you fuse them.

Successful lives of inner peace exemplify competence illuminated.
__________________________

I seek now to find that middle path. It's a journey, and I am very happy to be in that search-mode. It makes my life so much more meaningful. In everything I do, I try to rise above the 'splitting'. It is not always easy, it is actually very hard. It takes a lot of self control and understanding. Every time I make a small progress, it gives me great happiness since I know I am on track. This is my life's purpose now. I know it will let me live an invigorating life. That is my definition of Happiness.



**This has been copied from the chapter "Cultivating Inner Peace" from the book  "An Ancient Path" by Dr. Paul R. Fleischman. All rights belong to the author.

Life as we know it....

Recently I came across this picture while surfing the net while looking for something totally random.

Pale Blue Dot

This is the picture of our blue planet seen from Voyager I in 1990 some 3.7 billion miles away. When I saw the picture, it was quite a humbling experience for me. We seem to be living our lives on that little dot and in our own egotistical world we think every moment is so important. We strive for power, for money, for love, for adulation, and for so much more. Yet we are so insignificant in the whole scheme of things.....

As I was lost in these thoughts, I came across the words of a great man expressing the same thoughts much more eloquently than I ever can. So, here are his words. May be this picture will touch you the way it touched me.

"But for us, it's different. Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there – on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that in glory and in triumph they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of the dot on scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner of the dot. How frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity – in all this vastness – there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves. It is up to us. It's been said that astronomy is a humbling, and I might add, a character-building experience. To my mind, there is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly and compassionately with one another and to preserve and cherish that pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known." -- Carl Sagan, from "Pale Blue Dot: A Vision of the Human Future in Space".

Getting the Point Across

I have been reading Made To Stick lately. Why? Well, I am always interested to find out how to communicate better. I am not very good at it, and there is tremendous room for improvement. So, I am working on it, one step at a time.

The Heath brothers mention in the book a study conducted in 1990 by Dr. Elizabeth Newton with Tapper and Listeners. The Tappers were asked to tap a favorite and common song, like Happy Birthday to You, while the Listeners were supposed to guess it. The Tappers thought that at least 50% of the Listeners should be able to guess the song right. In reality, only 2.5% of the Listeners were able to guess the tune right!

Some would say that this is very obvious! After all, the Tappers had the tune running in their head when they tapped, but the Listeners did not and hence it was a very difficult task for them to guess. The Tappers had the Curse of Knowledge.

We all have that Curse of Knowledge - when we write a proposal for a grant, or when we give a presentation about our work, or when we think that our idea will revolutionize how the world works,.... The question is how should we be able to effectively communicate our ideas to the "Listener" such that they can 'get it' all the time. Very difficult challenge indeed!

Well, when I figure out the secret, I will let you know. The answer is one of the biggest challenges in business and well as in life. After all getting the point across is the what every human being strives for, in personal and professional life.

Beyond Role Models

When I was a kid, my parents always had a role model identified for me. First it was my father's colleague's son, then my computer engineer cousin, and later another colleague's daughter, and so on.  I was regularly measured against them. It was terrible. I always felt inadequate and had low self esteem. Nothing I did seemed good enough. When my parents had one person up there on the pedestal, I looked at the whole package and was not inspired. While these role models were good in one aspect, they were not perfect in all aspects.

Now I am much older and wiser (or at least I hope I am!). Now I think of the role model issue in a whole different way. I still have role models that inspire me but it is not packaged in one single person. Rather, it is an amalgamation of qualities in people that I aspire to emulate, it's a hybrid. I believe that we all have our own misgivings and frailties, and that no one person is perfect in all respects. I would rather emulate the good qualities of a person than strike them down since the whole package is not perfect. So here is the list of qualities my Role Model has:

Available and Accessible.
My role model for this attribute is Sue Murphy, the CEO of Water Corporation, Australia. When I was working in Perth, I learned that Sue was named the CEO of WaterCorp. I was inspired to find a woman leading such a distinguished organization. I went to my desk and and sent her a humble email asking for an appointment, half expecting that I will not get a reply. Within 30 minutes, I had a reply and within a day I had an appointment to see her. We had coffee and talked about our lives and what got us there. After that, during my tenure in Perth, I met with her every couple months. She gave me a lot of advice, about management issues, her lessons learned at work and life, book suggestions, introductions to others in the organization, etc. She did not need me, I needed her. Who was I compared to her? It was her magnanimity that she made time for me. From that day I resolved that no matter what my 'size' is in this world, that is in position, fame, money, status, or anything else that most of us crave for, I want to be accessible to people who need help, advice, or a nudge of confidence from me. Nothing should be more important than being available and accessible to the person in need. Sue is not the only one who helped me along, there have been many benevolent souls that have made a similar impact in my life. So, I will pass it forward, in whatever little way I am able.

Lead by Example
Cindy Miller, VP at RBF Consulting is my hero in this category. I am yet to meet anyone else who can top Cindy's example. I met her when I started working at RBF in 2003 and she was my supervisor. We developed a fantastic rapport and even to this day we remain close friends and confidants. Everything she proposed to her staff, she led by example. She expected dedication, hard work, and high quality and not once could anyone say or show that she herself did not live up to it. If she expected us to put in 100%, she put in 200%. This example left no choice but for us to feel enthused and to emulate her. I was so inspired that I was prepared to do whatever it takes to get the tasks completed. I talk of one such example here. Now, 11 years on, she has not changed a bit. She is still her old self, caring and forthright, leading by example. Even now, when we have lunch or spend an evening together or even just a phone call, I feel her inspiration shining through. It motivates me.

Effective Manager
A shining example of how a manager should be is David Barnetson, Project Director at Black & Veatch. I had the privilege to work with him at W2WA where he was the Operations Manager during a very difficult time at the Alliance. It was fascinating to watch him work, keep his cool no matter what the issue is, and then steer in the right solution. There was never any frustration, nor anxiety, nor  stress. There was efficient planning in everything we did, he expressed his mind and expectations very clearly, and if ever there was an outcome that was different from expectations we worked out a plan to address it. He always gave people a chance along with the benefit of doubt, but when strong action needed to be taken, he just did it. I spent eight months with him and wish I had more time to learn. (I loved his Scottish accent too!)

Expression and Messaging
Neil deGrasse Tyson is a master in communication and I admire him. Every time I hear him speak or read his writings, I love it. He uses simple language and logic to get the point across. Even when he is arguing or setting up a strong opposition, his nuanced but direct method of stating facts and then building up from it seems amazing to me. I aim to be like him someday and be able to clearly communicate my ideas, my thoughts, and my feelings.

Self-directed Humor
I am working on the ability to laugh at myself and my life. I have to admit, I struggle at this, but I am getting better at it. I suppose I am mature enough to figure out that it is important, but not mature enough to be able to let go of my ego and be brave enough to make myself a laughing stock. I have read many books and observed other people doing it, and I am slowing getting the hang of it. I think the best person in this arena was probably Bob Hope. I have not heard and read all his work, but he sure inspires me. So does Woody Allen.

Entrepreneurial Spirit
I am a voracious reader of Fast Company and other such forums that highlight design and development of innovative ideas. I thrive on stories of entrepreneurs innovating to make the world a better place. I feel that by pursuing articles, podcasts, and biographies of entrepreneurs, I have become more open and willing to knowledge and perspectives, no matter where it is coming from and from whom. I am also learning new vocabulary of being optimistic and realistic at the same time.

Tenacity
Rafe Esquith steals the trophy on this attribute. I have read his books and they are a constant source of motivation for me. Since 1984 he has been teaching kids in this run down portion of LA and has been doing it without rest. He reminds me that life is a marathon and we should not try to sprint through it. We should take it slow and endure the journey, there are indeed no short cuts. We should focus on the act and not so much on the results. The results are indeed not in our hands, but we have the present in our own hands free to be molded to our desire. The tenacity to last this long, through troubled times and good times, just hanging in there is a great lesson for me.

Inner Peace
Since I was 11 I have been seeking inner peace. Of course, I did not know that word then, its only very recently that I was able to label my search. I seem to seek two things. One, happiness or the 'more' in life. And two, safety, security, some money in the bank to keep me going till the end of days. I am seeking that middle path where I can lead a practical, competent, skillful, worldly life with every moment infused with the spirit of harmony and peace. My brief sojourn with Vipassana in 2010 showed me that it is possible, now I have a lifetime to practice and make it work. My inspiration here is the Dalai Lama and teachers like him.

Happiness, the Elusive Friend

Have you ever wondered how so-and-so seems happy and why you do not feel that way that often? When we look at others, it seems like their life is just perfect - their career seems to be working well with increased recognition, they seem to be spending more and having a better lifestyle, their relationships seem to be going well, they seem to be jovial all the time.... Yes, we all have been there; especially when some aspect of our life seems to us not living up to our expectations. 

My realization has been that we need to focus on the definition of happiness that is tailored to our life rather than a perceived notion of what makes others happy. I believe that happiness is derived from three sources - Thrills, Flow / Zone, and Purpose.

Sources of Happiness

Thrills make us Happy. These are intense positive emotions experienced over a short period of time. Examples: a roller coaster ride, shopping for and then discovering a new gadget, driving or riding in a fast car, a good dinner and drink, sex, watching a game.... During these thrill moments, time seems to go in slow motion, you have a moment-by-moment memory. Remember your favorite sportsman playing the winning shot? You probably remember the whole 10 seconds as a 10+ minute slow motion movie, complete with the thoughts going through your head as commentary. And every time you recollect that incident, you  briefly go to your happy place. Yes, this happens to all of us. We also wish that these intense pure raw emotions last forever or that our life gets filled with more and more of these feelings. In reality, this does not happen, and that makes us sad. Many try to recreate these moments by seeking the thrills all the time, some get hurt in the process either physically, or financially, or emotionally. 

Zone / Flow makes us Happy. These are times when the mind is calm and serene and we get lost in the work that we are doing and forget the passage of time. We get so engrossed that we forget hunger, sleep, and thirst. I bet many of you have been in that space too and will fondly recollect the times when you were lost in The Zone or were in The Flow. A great example of this is the Runners High that people experience when training for long-distance marathons. I remember my feelings when I was training very vividly. Another is may be working on a report at work where you stayed up all night without even realizing how the time went by? May be you spent a whole day painting and forgot to eat? I often have these experiences when I work and also when I cook. I have seen my husband having this feeling when he is brewing beer. The task is so satisfying that you are lost in it.  Dr. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi has a good body of work on this form of happiness. I recommend you read his books to learn more and try to create more opportunities of Zone/ Flow in your life and for the people surrounding you - at home, at play, and at work. 

Purpose makes us Happy. This is the most difficult one to pin down but this actually is the most gratifying. It is very hard to work out your purpose and takes a lot of introspection and analysis. We often do not have the time to do this or think that the time is not worth spending on finding this purpose. But that feeling of hollowness or emptiness that you often feel in spite of the Thrills and Zone/Flow you experience is because you are not in sync with the purpose. Each one needs to take the journey of finding this purpose by yourself, no one can do this for you. Once you have figured out this purpose, you will see that every aspect of your life will flow out of it and you will no longer have that emptiness deep inside. For me meditation helped me find the purpose. I went on a 10-day meditation retreat where we did not talk for ten days and did not even make eye contact with other people. It settled my mind down and cut the chatter out, and then it was quite clear, like the fog went away. It was a great feeling. Now, my daily task is to keep in sync with that purpose and when I do that, I feel very happy!

We need all three to be Happy. I believe that we need a healthy proportion of all three, Thrills, Zone /Flow and Purpose, to be Happy. When we are kids, Thrills make up most of the pie, and that is how it should be. As we mature, we start to identify the tasks that put us in the Zone / Flow. Once we identify those tasks and do more of it, not only do we improve our skill level in those tasks, they also make us peaceful and serene. As we move on the journey of life, if we start the quest for Purpose and find it, it makes life just worth living. Purpose then is the wind in our sails and we become jubilant!
My lesson in life has been to try and maintain a healthy proportion of all three in my life, absence of either ingredient may actually dent my happiness. My pie now has more Purpose and less Thrills. But all three are indeed present. I am Happy!

Five Habits That Have Helped Me

In this post, I share a few lessons learned over the years that I think have helped me tremendously. As I mentioned here, I don't claim to be any expert. I am a common person, trying to figure out how the world works and what should be my role.

Learning
Through my childhood years, learning anything beyond the coursework was discouraged. It was because such extra learning may take time, energy, and brain space out of what was needed to absorb in order to get good grades. So, I never developed the habit to read. My husband, on the other hand, is an avid reader and I admire this trait in him. Over the years with him, I have been able to cultivate this habit too. My childhood curiosity, that was stifled in the early years, has started to blossom and in the last five years I have become a sponge for new information. Oh! I love it! I have taken on subjects that I never used to work with earlier. I have read books of all kinds - biographies, self-help books, management books, art, crafts, fiction, cooking, technical, etc. I listen to audio books, so my long car rides are never boring. Thanks to podcasts, there is also a constant stream of audio knowledge. What's the plan forward? I intend to take up a new subject every two to three years and learn it. I have been learning management in the last few years and right now I have picked up accounting. These few years of study will by no means make me an expert, but I know it will enrich me and help me understand the subject matter more than I currently do. Above all, I think it will make me "Open and Willing" to accept new ideas and help me appreciate this beautiful world around me. I have a 'bucket list' of subjects I want pursue: economics, painting, writing, archaeology, music, psychology, photography, zoology, journalism, botany, film making,...... I think with this ongoing list, I will never age - the curiosity will keep me vibrant till the day I die. At least that's my age-defying mantra!

15 minutes-a-day Organizing
This was a hard habit learned. I am usually organized, especially at work. My desk is clean most of the time and I have a system to handle papers and other materials. But scheduling few minutes out of my daily routine and to just focus on this activity everyday has made a big difference in my productivity. When I walk into the office in the morning, cup of coffee in hand, I check my email first and then turn it off -  Yes, I shut down the program. Then I spend the next 15 minutes going through my desk, then other piles on bookcases and tables, even the pen and pencil holders. I assign places where each item needs to go and put them there. No, I do not take action on the item at hand, I just categorize it and make it ready for action. This time is strictly for organizing, not for action. And yes, I have a timer going. The 15 minutes go by fast! Sometimes I spend a little more time, but NEVER less than 15 minutes. I think these 15 minutes are very useful minutes of the day. As you clear clutter and get organized, your world gets sorted - not only in the world right in front of your eyes (your office desk and the room), but also in your subconscious. I find that when I do this activity everyday, it clears out the mind and helps me focus more effectively. It's like a mini-meditation!

Ideas Journal
This started about couple months ago and I am loving the concept. I was chatting with a friend and we were discussing how our heads are full of all these ideas chatter. Every time I meet a person or read an interesting article or see something, my brain makes these 20+ connections to new and old ideas, projects, other people, etc. I used to keep all that in my head and so far it was going all right. But as my universe expands, I am sure I will not be manage all that effectively to produce credible results. So this Ideas Journal is my plan. It's simple - a cute bound notebook. Every time I have a light bulb that goes off in my mind, I write it down in this one book. Does not matter what topic its related to. Every idea starts with a new page. It's the Idea on top, followed by a few bullet points answering the following - Why, What, How, Who, and When. If I don't have all the bullet points answered right away, never mind, it's all right. It will come to me when I am ready. Later, say on a lazy Sunday afternoon, with a glass of my favorite red wine in hand, I sift through the journal. As I read, some ideas stick and I write a bit more about them. I intend to develop these ideas into projects, but I do know that every seed takes it's own time to germinate, so I do not force them. When they are ready, they will pop out and I will act on them. Well, as I said, I just started this exercise, check with me next year and see what worked. I have a feeling that this will be a good thing.

Note Cards
When I was in eighth grade, my English teacher, Mrs. Hariharan, had asked us to start this habit. I remember the instruction very clearly. She took out a small notepad out of her purse and showed it to us. She then read out one or two sentences that she had collected over the years from books she had read. She asked us to form this habit and said that it will pay off in the future. Well, I did not pick up that habit then. Neither did I pick up the habit from another mentor and teacher I had in college. He too carried a small notebook in which he collected tidbits of information for use later. I never saw the point of it then. Well, now I do! May be because I am now older and wiser(?). I buy a set of plain index cards from the local store and keep them handy with a pencil every time I am reading a book, surfing the internet, etc. If some sentence catches my fancy, I write it down. Later I organize them into categories of my choice - I have a few shoe-boxes set aside for these cards. Since I have now written these beautiful thoughts, I find it very easy to recollect later. Say I want to express a thought that's almost at my fingertips but I am having difficulty. Most often than not, I have an index card that inspires me. No, I do not copy from these cards, they are there to help me formulate the words and say what I want to say effectively. Some of these cards are indeed quotes and I use quotes generously too. These note cards are my inspiration.

Networking
You are probably going - Duh! We all know you need to network! Well, I did not. The first eight years of my career I hardly met with people outside my career group and when I did meet them, I did not know what to talk, what to say, and used to be a bit bored too. It's great that my husband is in a different field than me and has spent a lot of time in the university, so we did have a good social circle. I loved our friends and we had some great parties that I remember very fondly. But, our group was very homogeneous and lacked diversity of careers - most of our friends were either engineers like me or scientists like him. As a result, I feel our exposure was not as wide as it could be. Over the years this has changed and my circle has broadened tremendously. I feel so enriched by the perspectives from all the different people I have come to know. A lawyer, and accountant, a marketer, a real estate agent, a securities analyst, an IT developer, a social scientist, an economist, a non-profit manager, the list goes on and on. When we gather, the discussions are so much more interesting and views often so different. You get to appreciate where each person is coming from and what process frames their position. So what I have done very deliberately for the last couple years is to seek out networking events that are way outside my knowledge base. I routinely attend events hosted by life tech, clean tech, business groups, IT groups, production engineer groups, etc. I have found that they are very welcoming as well. Of course, this is just the beginning and my universe will only expand from here. Apart from the broadening perspective, the other benefit of this expanding universe is that you now get a big pool of people to tap into for expert knowledge and opinion when you need. It's a great resource!

I would be very interested to know what other habits have helped you. Please drop me a line or two. I am forever open and willing to learn and network!

The System is broken? What do I do?

The system is broken!
My colleagues don't seem to listen to the bright ideas I have to fix the system!
Why don't people just fix the broken system?!
Why don't people just listen and work out the plan!
I am appalled by the prevalent stupidity all around me!
How come no one gets the problem but me?!
How can people in important positions be so outright stupid! How come they get promoted there?!

How often have your thoughts been like this?
I don't know about you, I have been there and quite frequently. Till about a year and half ago, I was consistently in this exasperation and frustration bracket and my life was hell - a living hell. Oh yes, it is a terrible place to be. Yes, I felt a high because of the emotions - I was right and everyone was wrong, I was angry, I was better than the rest of them.....
I could not come to terms with the way the world runs and at every moment of the way I was finding the inefficiencies that drove me to the wall. I used to stand there with my back against the wall and shout loud as how retarded the people are and the system was, and how I had all the answers if only anyone would care to listen. It frustrated me to no end and I wondered why I did not have enough followers, why were only a few people following my drumbeat and not everyone? Why were most people acting contrary to the 'right way to do things'?
Does this sound familiar? Have you felt like this sometime in your life?

Early last year, I spent few days in retrospection. It was very hard to do this analysis - like wrenching out all the deep ingrained roots, studying them, and then throwing them out. Painful, very painful indeed. After that, I made one decision and one alone. I am going to be "Open and Willing". It's a concept of letting go of the emotions and looking at the elephant for what it is.

Graphic credit

Once I moved away and stepped back, I began to get the perspectives of others and started to appreciate where each and every person was coming from. After I did this, I realized that I have only just begun to understand the problem for what it is. It was a very humbling step and very hard to digest.

Am I there yet? Have I figured it all? Oh no, I probably just crossed the threshold and there is a long path ahead of me. Here's my plan /understanding on how this 'changing the world' concept works:

• Accept that it will be a LONG drawn-out process, no quick-fix and sometimes no fix in my lifetime.
• Develop an Atticus Finch personality.
• Make a difference in my own little way in spite of the system and the people around me. And I am NOT expecting any accolades for it.

Let's see how this pans out. My life is now a wonderful experiment that I am devising as I go. But, you know what, I am very happy these days. Deep down inside I am at peace, and that helps me keep this experiment on track.