Being Bold, Being Active

 I feel very good that not too many people read this blog. Ha!

Because I feel the urge to make a public commitment, but then I am also quite nervous to let all my  friends and family know. So, this is a pseudo proclamation. No one will read it, but I can still tell my heart that I did make a public resolution.

I am starting to actively workout again!!

Tasmania, my paradise on earth

Wow! That's a big one for me.

When I was in Perth, Australia, I was about 33, and in the best physical form of my life. My body fat was about 17% and no matter what I wore, it looked good. And I was strong, I had good quality muscle. I had a great routine to work out regularly, and also used to easily run for 10 miles with no issues. I loved running. I also loved working out in the weight room. I had a very good schedule and it made me feel good.
Then I moved back to the US, had a back injury while lifting something heavy up the stairs, and it totally up-ended my fitness. I was barely able to sit or stand or walk for long, working out at a gym was beyond question. It took about three years of physiotherapy (useless), epidurals (short term relief), and then aqua therapy (this one worked!). I was almost ready to take up fitness again, but then I was hit by a series of personal challenges - near-death car accident, death of a parent where I was the primary caregiver for four months, slow disintegration of marriage and feeling helpless, divorce, financial insecurity, cancer scare, two serious operations, family issue.... need I say more. All this I survived, and lasted over seven years, and it was not easy. I managed to keep my professional life intact, and tried to keep afloat on the personal side but barely, and frequently sliding into depression. Other health issues cropped up and I did not know how to deal with it. The doctors had no answers, except testing and testing.

Anyway, since that "perfect" time at 33, over the last 12 years, I have added almost 50 lbs. The weight did not arrive suddenly, it was a slow creep. It was like 4 - 5 oz increase a month, and I could see the scale up by a pound every three to four months. But that gradual increase kept going, and my clothes started getting tighter and sizes getting higher. From a 2, I went up to a 10. And I felt miserable for it.

Why didn't I do anything? Quite frankly, I did not have the bandwidth in my life to take care of it. I was depressed, I had to look after my professional and financial situation first. Whatever little time I had left, I used to lie like a cocoon. Yes, I know, it was terrible.

But things have changed in the last few months. After a series of medical appointments, I think I now have the right medications in place. My professional life and financial life is on track and moving at a good speed. I have the bandwidth available to focus on my health now. I want to get back to my old fitness level, adjusted, of course, to the fact that I am now 12 years older. The most important thing is that my life has space and time and effort available right now to invest in this endeavor.

So what is the plan?

I have joined Planet Fitness. A dear friend recommended it to me as a low cost, low pressure alternative. I went and looked around two gyms, deciding to join one that was really well equipped. I really do not need classes, for I already know the basics. My challenge has never been about technique or motivation; it was always about fitting in a workout schedule that I could follow consistently. So, I am starting the journey this week. 

My goal is to lose the 50 lbs of fat I am carrying and then some, and build the muscle mass back up. Also, I want to increase my cardio fitness. I want to be running again. In 2006 I had run the Chicago Marathon, I want to be able to run a marathon again. If I am able to do that, I will know that I have built up my cardio fitness back. In 2006, I was able to run a marathon in around 4 hours, I would like to be able to run making similar time, even a 4.5 hour marathon will be acceptable to me.  As for fitness, I want to have the body fat down to about 20%. I do not think I will be able to get down to the 17% I used to have, I will be perfectly satisfied with 20%. And with that I want my muscles toned and strong. I want to work out with the weights again, it was so fun and I remember it!

Here's my plan:

Monday - Wednesday - Friday -I will follow this pattern -

Week 1 - Jog 1 min/ Walk 4 min  x 6 = total 30 mins
Week 2 - Jog 2 min/ Walk 3 min  x 6 = total 30 mins
Week 3 - Jog 3 min/ Walk 1 min  x 6 = total 30 mins
Week 4 - Jog 4 min/ Walk 1 min  x 6 = total 30 mins

Week 5 - Jog 6 min/ Walk 4 min  x 4 = total 40 mins
Week 6 - Jog 7 min/ Walk 3 min  x 4 = total 40 mins
Week 7 - Jog 8 min/ Walk 2 min  x 4 = total 40 mins

Week 8 - Jog 12 min/ Walk 3 min  x 3 = total 45 mins
Week 9 - Jog 13 min/ Walk 2 min  x 3 = total 45 mins
Week 10 - Jog 14 min/ Walk 1 min  x 3 = total 45 mins

Week 11 - Jog 17 min/ Walk 3 min  x 3 = total 60 mins
Week 12 - Jog 19 min/ Walk 1 min  x 3 = total 60 mins
Week 13 - Jog 60 mins

As I started this week, by December 30th, I should be able to be running for 60 minutes straight. That is a lovely achievement to look forward to.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I will just do some simple upper body and lower body workouts - easy reps, low weights. Not so much to build anything, just to start getting used to going to the gym on a regular basis and getting re-acquainted with the free weights and machines. I do not want to break sweat and try anything hard on these days. My focus for next 13 weeks is to build up the cardio strength and be able to jog comfortably, without any injury. Especially because my  back can give out again - I want to be very gentle and do not want to do anything that can jeopardize the progress.

I will NOT give myself a time goal for weight reduction. I know that the fat will melt on its own schedule. As my mobility increases and I get more agile, everything else will fall into place. Also, to lose the fat, diet is very important and I need to focus on that as well.

As I have made aerobic work my key focus for the rest of the year, I need to set my workout range as well. I am 45, so my MAX HR is (220 - 45=) 175 bpm. Now, the Max aerobic (injury free) limit is 180, so my MAX AEROBIC HR is (180 - 45=) 135 bpm. And because I am starting from a really poor condition, and a bad back, I am going to not run above 130 bpm. I am giving myself a 5 bpm reduced goal.

This feels really low. And based on on the practice I did today, because my aerobic situation is so poor, I reach 130 very easily! I will have to jog really slow, like fast walking pace to maintain 130. But you know what, I will NOT train harder. I need to resist the urge to push myself and take this slow. There is really no hurry. It took me 12 years to gain 50 lbs and lose my fitness, I need to build it back up slowly.

There it is! My Goal - BE ABLE TO RUN FOR 60 MINS BY DECEMBER 2021.

Idling

Last weekend, on Sunday I did a one-day Vipassana self-course. It was a blissful experience. Even though I had my dogs with me, I meditated for ten hours, and it was an "abiding in peace" experience. My mind settled to this very joyful space of stillness and quiet pleasure. They say it is called "piti", I was so grateful to have been able to experience it.

And then came Monday. I really did not feel like getting to work. My workload is kind of light these days, so with no burning deadline, I didn't feel the urgency to focus and go into the deep-work state. So I kept doing light work all day, miscellaneous administrative stuff that the business needs done, but nothing substantial to show. By the time Tuesday rolled in, I was checking emails but realized I really did not want to get deeper into work. I was feeling guilty (Damn, you old habit pattern!!), and that's not a joyful space. Later that night, I decided I am going to experiment Idling for the rest of the week.

A dear friend often comments about me - "Whatever I see you do, I see you do with full might!" Ha! So I thought if I am to Idle, I am going to prove his observation right and see how I can excel in Idling.

How does one Idle for a whole week and be good at it?

How much Idle is good for you, and where is the limit?

Can I get bored of Idling?

What is the difference between Laziness and Idling? 

From Wednesday to Friday, I spent Idling - all three long days. My two dogs were my inspiration - how they sleep, get up, shake, drink water, walk around, then bundle up for a snooze again!

All my working life, which is not over 22 years, I have been an Energizer Bunny. Very busy, always on projects, to-do lists, and in motion. When I did not have anything, I made it a point to find something to do. Since 2010, I have been going on 10-day silent vipassana retreats, at least two a year, but even for those, there is a routine, there is a task to be done - meditation. That has usually been my life - always busy, even when I am making fun, it is busy-fun.

After I moved to San Diego in 2009, I started taking a day "off" every quarter or so. Usually it used to be a Saturday, and scheduled. I would get up when I felt like it, and make myself a big pot of khichdi (porridge). Then I'd have that for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. And for the rest of the day, just lie in bed reading or napping, or on the sofa, watching some mindless TV and napping. The resting and sleeping took precedence over reading or finishing a program. My husband used to call me "vegetable"! But you know what? It would charge me up! From the next day, I'd be refreshed and ready, back being the usual Energizer Bunny. But since 2014 or so, I had stopped doing these recharge days.

So was being a vegetable being lazy? I feel that it is lazy when you really do not want to put in the work. When you don't care enough. It is not circumstantial. Me watching Netflix is lazy? Or not wanting to do work is lazy? If it is a repetitive pattern of inaction and procrastination, then maybe it is. I think everyone has their own threshold of laziness. If my husband didn't put the coffee cup in the sink and left it next to the sink, or put the dirty laundry in the vicinity of the laundry room but not in the laundry basket, I think it was lazy. There was an intent of not finishing the task. But you are allowed to take time off - and rest, and clear your mind and body of all kinds of tightness and fatigue. That is not lazy.

So what did I do in the three days of Idle?

• I checked emails once every four hours and responded to the urgent ones. I also took phone calls as necessary, but did not initiate any.
• I did not write a to-do list, though my mind was swimming in things to do. Ha!
• I lay on the sofa watching British crime dramas on Netflix, or reading some books I borrowed from the library, but mostly napping when I felt like it.
• I took my dogs for their walks twice a day, but not anything extra. They were very happy chilling with me, sometimes on me, for the whole three days.
• I made myself simple one-pot meals in the pressure cooker and ate the same for all three meals.
• I slept a lot. A LOT. Over seven hours at night and long naps during the day.
• My meditation hours were even more peaceful, I felt bright physically and mentally.
• I was very aware of sensations in my body, every movement, every morsel I ate, every glass of water I drank, almost of every step I took. It was very pleasing - I was smiling most of the time.
• I think I became a bit more kinder to myself.

I will do this again. Maybe once every month, if I can schedule it, or at least once a quarter. And I recommend this to everyone who works hard and is forever moving from one task to another. Schedule out a day of rest and nothingness. You will find it a very hard thing to do at first because it goes against the grain of your set habit patterns. But once you have it set up, this pause is very beneficial to renew and recharge.

Freo and Ozzie, Idling with Mummy