In my mid thirties and I am only just learning to swim. I try to make it to the gym three days a week to practice. I can flutter my feet well, my arm strokes are good too; but I cannot seem to be able to synchronize my breathing with the feet and arms. I can do half the length of the pool with one breath, and am very proud of that! My biggest challenge is to breathe and last Friday, I was trying to accomplish that with no success. Thoughts of failure were going through my head - Shall I ever learn to swim? What about my dream to snorkel in the great reefs of the world and scuba dive someday? I may be just too old to do this! Wish I had learned this when I was a kid.......
I was at this effort almost for an hour when a friendly swimmer came by and offered some advice. He said "Don't fight the water. Let the water hold you, use it. Think of your favorite symphony and try to glide with its rhythm in your head." I thought, that's odd, but why not give his method a try? What do I have to lose, I can't drown in 4 ft of water. For the last month and half I have proved to myself that I am not drowning that easily. Let's see if his advice can help me float. And lo and behold, I was able to do four full lengths of the pool and synchronize my breathing with the strokes. It was not seamless symphony, but I was able to synchronize. It was a start! It was fantastic! Made my day! I could really do it! Now I have to just practice the lesson to make perfect! Wow!
Over the weekend, I thought about the instruction. This applies so much to life, doesn't it? All the time, we try to fight to get to our goal. I know, I did it a lot and still do at times, both in my professional and personal life. We have a goal identified and the drive within us pushes us to throw in all our might to achieve the goal and try harder and harder. Eventually, we often do succeed, but often we get frustrated and 'drop it'. Or after we do succeed, it does not seem that sweet a victory, we just so exhausted by the trials. It's no different from learning to swim, you know you can do it (so many people can swim, why can't you?), and there is always problems and resistance (the water pushing against you), you have the fear of failure (drowning), and you try too hard and get stressed (fanatically throw your arms and legs about, gulp water).......
The solution is so simple - Don't try to fight the water. Accept it for what it is. Feel it, observe how it touches you, the texture, the softness, the resistance, the buoyancy, how it holds you.... Understand it, and more importantly - Appreciate it, Respect it. Then, think up your favorite symphony. Feel it's rhythm. Align your strokes with the familiar rhythm in your mind. Glide as if your strokes are playing in the orchestra, seamless and in perfect harmony with the water. Work with peace in your heart and mind, no emphatic force required. You will get there - it's the law of nature!
Books that have Helped me
I was going through my library this morning and thought I should list the five books that have influenced me deeply in my personal development. Here they are, in no special order of importance. The impact of all these books on me have been immense and each one has helped me refine my life over the last four years. These are my 'top-shelf' books and I treasure them!
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My husband picked this book out for me during a trip to India (in 2008) at a bookstore in Mumbai. I was then going through some problems with my boss. My boss and I had severe differences in opinion and I was very frustrated to see her ruining the project I was responsible for. I desperately needed some guidance to tackle this issue, I just couldn't let a $100 million project go haywire. Debra's book was a lifesaver. I read the book three times in a span of two weeks - the pages were thumbed, I had underlined important passages, and scribbled all over the book. This book reinforced my confidence and influenced me so much that I excerpted parts of this book to write a mini speech, memorized it, and then talked with my boss' boss about my fears and concerns regarding the said project and outlined the steps needed to 'fix the problem'. The result: I was relieved of my stressful position and promoted to a more expansive role in the organization because of my ability to perceive problems and formulate 'fixes'. Furthermore, I got full corporate support to effect changes on not one but twelve projects! What can I say, the book is a 'must have' for all women.
After moving back to the US, I contacted Debra. We email and talk to each other often. Every time I thank her for such a profound book. She is a good friend and perhaps some day I may even work with her to help other women.
This was a fantastic find at Berkelouw Books on Oxford St., Paddington, Sydney. During my mini-vacation trips to the beautiful harbor city in early 2009, hubby used to be at work, and I used to spend hours (sometimes the entire day) at that bookstore perusing through their fantastic collection of new and used books. I found many jewels there and this is definitely one of the precious few. The book goes step by step to define an effectiveness plan, first by getting organized, setting up priorities, and then eliminating time wasters. I had quite a few "Aha moments", but Chapter 5 - New Attitudes for Effectiveness, helped me the most. It got me to recognize Guilt, Worry, Fear of Failure, and Anger as big barriers in my progress and as soon as I was able to recognize them I was able to take charge and eliminate them. Self development is a very gradual process and it takes time. Nothing happens overnight. The first step is to realize that you are sitting in the passenger seat of your life and once you 'get it', then you can slowly plan a method to get onto the driver's seat, map where you want to go, and press on the accelerator!
Another gem found in Australia - I picked this one up for in-flight reading from Cairns airport on the way to Alice Springs in 2008. I was on a 10-day backpacking vacation from Alice Springs to Darwin with two lovely companions. I was not looking for a book like this in particular, but when I came across it at the airport bookstore, I was intrigued, so I bought it. My friends commented - 'Geez, Soma, aren't you on this vacation to run away from work?' I smiled. This book was a great read and a perfect companion for the long 3-day bus ride on Stuart Highway. You don't have to start from the beginning or from the end - start anywhere, any random page, and a core truth will jump at you. There are exactly 100 strategies mentioned, some overlap but all very relevant. At each rule, there is a framed kernel of wisdom that you may want to imprint in your brain permanently. If you can master all these rules, I bet you work life will become a relaxing stroll on the beach. It's a very handy book to keep as a ready reference and open it up every now and then and check yourself for proper behavior and attitude.
This book was a fairly recent find, after I started my business in October last year. I picked this book from the library and at first I did not think too much about it. May be the title put me off - "52 Truths for Winning at Business Without Losing Your Self". It felt like those flimsy books trying to make you feel good, e.g. "10 Things You Can Do to Help Save the Earth"! I am not a fan of sweet coating the truth, I believe that hard facts of life are indeed hard and should be presented as such. Anyway, I decided to bring it home and give it a try. Boy! Was I impressed! This book seemed to be top-notch wisdom served to you in bite-sized pieces. I am so thankful that Alan Webber did not decide to write 52 books and put all of his 'lessons learned' in life in one concise book. The best way to get through this book is to read a chapter at a time, then let it seep in for few weeks. Then re-read the chapter. Every time you go back to the chapters, your subconscious mind has had time to ponder and you will feel pleased to be able to grasp the nuances of the wisdom through your own life experiences. It's a masterpiece!
I heard Dr. Taylor's TEDTalk in 2010. What she said resonated very deeply with me at that time. No, I did not have a stroke, but during a Vipassana meditation course early 2010, I was able to successfully suppress the incessant left-brain chatter and experience the nirvana-like feeling stemming from the vibrant right-brain. That experience was somewhat spiritual for me, and being an engineer I was not able to explain the experience through my accumulated knowledge base. Her book explained the science behind it. I loved it! The last two chapters are my favorite where she says "that deep inner peace is just a thought/feeling away". Happiness is a choice, and it's too sad that many do not exercise this choice. If you read this book, you will realize that you have the power to actually determine how your brain perceives emotions and you can control it at your own will. Also, you can train your mind to react differently to external stimulation and that "Enlightenment is not a process of learning, it is a process of unlearning". What the great Yogis and Zen masters have told us for eons is elucidated very clearly in the language of science - through the story of brain cells and their fantastic multidimensional circuitry.
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These five books that have influenced me in the last four years. They hold a permanent place on my bookshelf and I keep them close for ready reference. Hope you will find their wisdom helpful as well. Please do send me feedback, and share with me books that have helped you grow. I will appreciate that very much.
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| Ambition is Not a Dirty Word by Debra Condren |
After moving back to the US, I contacted Debra. We email and talk to each other often. Every time I thank her for such a profound book. She is a good friend and perhaps some day I may even work with her to help other women.
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| Work Smarter Not Harder by Jack Collis |
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| The Rules of Work by Richard Templar |
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| Rules of Thumb by Alan Webber |
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| My Stroke of Insight by Jill Bolte Taylor |
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These five books that have influenced me in the last four years. They hold a permanent place on my bookshelf and I keep them close for ready reference. Hope you will find their wisdom helpful as well. Please do send me feedback, and share with me books that have helped you grow. I will appreciate that very much.
"I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be."
It's the middle of the year and I am in a reflective kind of mood. It was a very busy six months - with parents visiting, major proposals, some great projects, mini-vacations, new recipes, fun time with friends and the joy of meeting really old friends after eons....
So all this got me thinking - why not write a note every six months and chronicle how I have grown - psychologically (after all that's the real thing!). So today I set the baseline with a little history.
My childhood and early adulthood was sort of a dark place, not too many happy memories but am glad I survived it to see this day. Whatever it was is gone now - the anger, the intense frustration, the severe case of "Why me?" - it's gone. No, I have not forgiven yet, but I have made peace with it - I can move on now. The last four years have been very satisfying and I am so glad that I can reflect and realize myself now. Last January I went to a ten-day meditation retreat where we did not speak for ten long days and meditated for over 11 hours a day. That was a life changing event for me. While I did not have major breakthrough during those ten days, over the ensuing months I realized how profound that mental boot-camp was for me and how it opened doors that I never thought existed or did not have the mental clarity to see. Bolstered by that new-found confidence, last October I left a well- paying, prosperous and defined career path to launch my own company. I also acted on my desire to cook and teach people what I know, hence Soma's Kitchen was born.
Fast forward to 2011. January was very important for me - I nearly died in a major accident - but I didn't! Not a day goes by that I do not think how lucky I was to survive that crash, and that too with no injuries at all. Health has been a bit difficult this year - my old eye problem came back, and my back still bothers me. As a result I am several pounds over where I would like to be. In spite of it all, I am just very happy and lucky to be alive!
So today I jot down what I see in the mirror:
I am a passionate person, mostly about creating something new. I like to dream and pursue that dream to fruition. It gives me tremendous satisfaction to see a job well done. May be this is why I love my business so much and also my cooking experiments.
What I think this moment: "I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be."
So all this got me thinking - why not write a note every six months and chronicle how I have grown - psychologically (after all that's the real thing!). So today I set the baseline with a little history.
My childhood and early adulthood was sort of a dark place, not too many happy memories but am glad I survived it to see this day. Whatever it was is gone now - the anger, the intense frustration, the severe case of "Why me?" - it's gone. No, I have not forgiven yet, but I have made peace with it - I can move on now. The last four years have been very satisfying and I am so glad that I can reflect and realize myself now. Last January I went to a ten-day meditation retreat where we did not speak for ten long days and meditated for over 11 hours a day. That was a life changing event for me. While I did not have major breakthrough during those ten days, over the ensuing months I realized how profound that mental boot-camp was for me and how it opened doors that I never thought existed or did not have the mental clarity to see. Bolstered by that new-found confidence, last October I left a well- paying, prosperous and defined career path to launch my own company. I also acted on my desire to cook and teach people what I know, hence Soma's Kitchen was born.
Fast forward to 2011. January was very important for me - I nearly died in a major accident - but I didn't! Not a day goes by that I do not think how lucky I was to survive that crash, and that too with no injuries at all. Health has been a bit difficult this year - my old eye problem came back, and my back still bothers me. As a result I am several pounds over where I would like to be. In spite of it all, I am just very happy and lucky to be alive!
So today I jot down what I see in the mirror:
I am a passionate person, mostly about creating something new. I like to dream and pursue that dream to fruition. It gives me tremendous satisfaction to see a job well done. May be this is why I love my business so much and also my cooking experiments.
I also like variety in my work. I seem to chase problems and want to always fix them. I am an efficiency Nazi. It's really bad - when I walk into a restaurant, one part of my brain is analyzing how the tables are laid out and how the waiters are walking around and what will be the optimum arrangement!
I suppose I will define myself as free-thinking, risk-taking maverick. I am a fringe player that likes to buck the system when it's too bureaucratic. Again, that's why I am so happy being my own boss, I suppose.
I suppose I will define myself as free-thinking, risk-taking maverick. I am a fringe player that likes to buck the system when it's too bureaucratic. Again, that's why I am so happy being my own boss, I suppose.
I seem to have the entrenched need to impress other people and prove myself. Yes, I admit it. This is not the only thing that drives me, but it is a reason for my drive.
I enjoy being engaged all the time - being busy and excited with a new project or event. I love it! I don't think I get stressed that often anymore - I actually enjoy being in 'the zone' and thrive on that energy. It's my 'high' and I like it!
I also realize that I do not need or want lots of money or luxury. I can actually do without the latest gadget, fast car, fancy clothes, etc. They don't really move me. That does not mean that I will accept a life of a pauper - I just feel very comfortable in the lifestyle I have right now and am not craving any other material want.
I like to travel. I think that's my most coveted wish right now. I value that experience of meeting new people, touching an unknown land, tasting and smelling the new food, listening to the cacophony of unfamiliar sounds. If it was possible, I would take a whole year or two off and go back-packing around the world.
I want to write a book. I am not sure what it will be about - memoir, or a travelogue, or a cookbook, or something in the lines of what lessons I learned in life - may be a mix of all these. Someday....
Where am I heading? Who can say? Life's ephemeral. I have now learned to live in the moment and squeeze as much happiness I can get out of it. I have decided (Yes, I believe that it is a decision, a conscious choice) that I am not going to let negatives affect me. And when I see myself getting bothered, I will just dissociate myself from those entities that make me miserable. I know how lucky I am to be alive, I am not going to waste a minute!
What I think this moment: "I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be."
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