"I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be."

It's the middle of the year and I am in a reflective kind of mood. It was a very busy six months - with parents visiting, major proposals, some great projects, mini-vacations, new recipes, fun time with friends and the joy of meeting really old friends after eons....

So all this got me thinking - why not write a note every six months and chronicle how I have grown - psychologically (after all that's the real thing!). So today I set the baseline with a little history.

My childhood and early adulthood was sort of a dark place, not too many happy memories but am glad I survived it to see this day. Whatever it was is gone now - the anger, the intense frustration, the severe case of "Why me?" - it's gone. No, I have not forgiven yet, but I have made peace with it - I can move on now. The last four years have been very satisfying and I am so glad that I can reflect and realize myself now. Last January I went to a ten-day meditation retreat where we did not speak for ten long days and meditated for over 11 hours a day. That was a life changing event for me. While I did not have major breakthrough during those ten days, over the ensuing months I realized how profound that mental boot-camp was for me and how it opened doors that I never thought existed or did not have the mental clarity to see. Bolstered by that new-found confidence, last October I left a well- paying, prosperous and defined career path to launch my own company. I also acted on my desire to cook and teach people what I know, hence Soma's Kitchen was born.

Fast forward to 2011. January was very important for me - I nearly died in a major accident - but I didn't! Not a day goes by that I do not think how lucky I was to survive that crash, and that too with no injuries at all. Health has been a bit difficult this year - my old eye problem came back, and my back still bothers me. As a result I am several pounds over where I would like to be. In spite of it all, I am just very happy and lucky to be alive!

So today I jot down what I see in the mirror:

I am a passionate person, mostly about creating something new. I like to dream and pursue that dream to fruition. It gives me tremendous satisfaction to see a job well done. May be this is why I love my business so much and also my cooking experiments.

I also like variety in my work. I seem to chase problems and want to always fix them. I am an efficiency Nazi. It's really bad - when I walk into a restaurant, one part of my brain is analyzing how the tables are laid out and how the waiters are walking around and what will be the optimum arrangement!

I suppose I will define myself as free-thinking, risk-taking maverick. I am a fringe player that likes to buck the system when it's too bureaucratic.  Again, that's why I am so happy being my own boss, I suppose.

I seem to have the entrenched need to impress other people and prove myself. Yes, I admit it. This is not the only thing that drives me, but it is a reason for my drive.

I enjoy being engaged all the time - being busy and excited with a new project or event. I love it! I don't think I get stressed that often anymore - I actually enjoy being in 'the zone' and thrive on that energy. It's my 'high' and I like it!

I also realize that I do not need or want lots of money or luxury. I can actually do without the latest gadget,  fast car, fancy clothes, etc. They don't really move me. That does not mean that I will accept a life of a pauper - I just feel very comfortable in the lifestyle I have right now and am not craving any other material want.

I like to travel. I think that's my most coveted wish right now. I value that experience of meeting new people, touching an unknown land, tasting and smelling the new food, listening to the cacophony of unfamiliar sounds. If it was possible, I would take a whole year or two off and go back-packing around the world.

I want to write a book. I am not sure what it will be about - memoir, or a travelogue, or a cookbook, or something in the lines of what lessons I learned in life - may be a mix of all these. Someday....

Where am I heading? Who can say? Life's ephemeral. I have now learned to live in the moment and squeeze as much happiness I can get out of it. I have decided (Yes, I believe that it is a decision, a conscious choice) that I am not going to let negatives affect me. And when I see myself getting bothered, I will just dissociate myself from those entities that make me miserable. I know how lucky I am to be alive, I am not going to waste a minute!

What I think this moment: "I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be."