"A woman can't do this in a man's world....."

"A woman can't do this in a man's world....."
"It's so hard..."
"Women have to face difficult choices of career versus motherhood...."
"I hardly get any time for myself...."

I hear a lot of these from women, professional women. Unfortunately, many of these complaints tend to become a self-fulfilling prophesy.

In my opinion, there are only three keys to success: hard work, determination, and knowledge.
Luck and gender has nothing to do with it.

I will talk about the three keys in latter posts, this one deals with perceived gender barriers.

I have talked with several successful women - CEOs, entrepreneurs, scientists, engineers - none of these women ever told me they had hit the proverbial 'glass ceiling'. I am yet to be as successful as them, but my personal experience has been the same. If you have a goal to achieve, are willing to put in the effort, have the unwavering belief in yourself, and the knowledge base of experience to draw from, I do not think there is any ceiling, glass or rock or otherwise, out there to stop you.

Growing up, I never let the gender issue affect me, specially in the choice of my career. When I went into Civil Engineering, it never really crossed my mind that I was entering a supposedly 'male-dominated' field and that this would be of any hindrance to my success.

The first time I was made aware of any limitations was while applying for my Masters at a US university. It came from totally unexpected quarters - a very renowned and respected professor at my university in India. To the students, he was the most 'progressive' professor of the lot, he talked with a crisp accent, prepared his lectures well (not read out from 1960's notes), and used audio-visual techniques while teaching. So when I went to him to get a recommendation for my application, he totally surprised me by saying - " Why are you wasting so much of your dad's money on these applications and studies abroad. You women will only work for couple years and then get married, have children and give up your career. Why waste all this time, energy, and money on something that you will never pursue to the end. Civil engineering is really not a career for you women, I still do not see why you girls come to study this subject and waste a good seat for a talented young boy!"
Of course I was crestfallen - my revered professor had this opinion! All my respect for him vanished that day. But to tell the truth, he was probably correct - out of the women who did study civil engineering with me, only 40% have retained a career in the field of our training, most have given up. As long as those who have given up are at peace with their choice, I really have no problems. But I do have issues with women who are either pursuing the field while continuously whining; or those who have quit the profession thinking they cannot break the so-called ceiling.

Gender difference is actually good. Women can do better because we perceive and apply information better. The worst a woman can do is to desire to be equal to a man. We are different and thank god for it! Different does not mean that one is lesser than the other, on the contrary, women have the ability to far exceed men in some areas. For example, motivation. Men tend to expect people to be self-motivated. Women, on the other hand, tend to motivate people by words and deeds - and this skill, if applied in business, is invaluable.

I think most women do a great disservice by being dishonest with themselves. (Yes, some men do too, but we are talking about women here.) We want and demand equality but we are not willing to pay the price for it. We want to excel at our work but we complain at the same time that it leaves no time to be a mother or no time for ourselves. This is not right. Of course we can be mothers, homemakers, and still be best in our professions! We have to pay the price for it - self determination, hard work, and acceptance of complete responsibility of the family, the work we do, and of ourselves. No excuses, no whines. Nothing is free - you have to pay for every ounce of 'want' you fulfill.

This is the hard truth of life irrespective of your gender - you have to learn to accept it.

I have a good friend who is the CEO of a major corporation, and a mother of three teenagers. She said (I paraphrase): "During my life, I often found myself working along parallel tracks. On one hand I was laboring with great zeal on my children's emotional and physical needs. On the other hand, I was striving toward my own professional goals. The fear of being unable to maintain the necessary pace was sometimes overwhelming. I would discipline myself to take time off every few weeks/months, as required, and sit back and objectively evaluate the choices I was making. And every time it would only affirm my choices. I have no regrets, neither does my family."

Another story from Debra Condren, the author of Ambition is Not a Dirty Word: She went through a lot of troubled times, raising a kid through a divorce, being a single mom while earning the dough and studying. Her crowning glory was when her son told her, many years later, that he respects his mom very much for having followed her dreams and he wants to do the same. (Read the book, I highly recommend it)

There are so many stories similar to these - bottom line is that we have to just get up and start on the journey towards our dreams and be ready to pay the toll with determination, hard work, and accepting responsibility.

You are only limited by your own goal setting.