I have two dogs. Freo and Ozzie. At this time Freo is 10ish and Ozzie is 9ish. They are shelter dogs, so we do not know their exact birthdays. Those people who know me on Facebook know how crazy I am about them. After my divorce in 2014, my precious babies went to live with their daddy. In a divorce, the law sees dogs as "property" and not "children", so they need to be ascribed to one party or another. I chose to give up my rights, and he got to "own" them. I consider myself very fortunate because when he is traveling, I get to keep them and I pamper them excessively. I love them as children, kids that I will never have. And while they are alive, I do not intend to reduce my pampering one bit, for it gives me much joy.
When walking the dog we keep it on a leash. If the dog is somewhat trained, the leash can be retractable. But there is a limit to the length of the leash. For our walks, we start from home and we return home. We have a general idea of the walking path, but it is allowed to be varied. The timing should be such that it works for both the dogs and the dog walker's schedule. During the walks, the dogs are to be on the sidewalk, and when crossing the roads, the dog walker makes sure that there is no oncoming traffic and that it is safe to cross. The dog walker tugs on the leash gently, kindly, but firmly, so as to make sure the dog gets the message and does not run into oncoming traffic or takes off after another dog or skateboarder. However, the dog also has freedom. He can investigate, pee, poop wherever he likes. The dog walker picks up the poop for safe disposal. The dog has free rein on movement within the limits of the leash length. He also can request a change of route, and the dog walker often obliges. He can spend as much sniffing time he wants on the walk on one particular fence or hydrant or tree stump. The walker is patient and often finds the investigative nature of the dog quite amusing. The walker observes that the dog eventually completes his investigation and moves on, and does not stay on one item for too long. It is the nature of a dog. The walker decides when it is time to get home and rest, and expertly herds the dog home. Usually this whole process is a very fulfilling experience for both the dog walker and the dog. They are both very happy after the walk, refreshed and peaceful.
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| My Freo, My Ozzie (Nov 2018 @ Balboa Park) |
This morning I was texting with a friend who is working hard on training his mind. There is a lot of dialog going on, and he is putting earnest effort. I feel he's working too hard, too tight. So I gave him the example of dog walking, which I share with you. Here we go -
When walking the dog we keep it on a leash. If the dog is somewhat trained, the leash can be retractable. But there is a limit to the length of the leash. For our walks, we start from home and we return home. We have a general idea of the walking path, but it is allowed to be varied. The timing should be such that it works for both the dogs and the dog walker's schedule. During the walks, the dogs are to be on the sidewalk, and when crossing the roads, the dog walker makes sure that there is no oncoming traffic and that it is safe to cross. The dog walker tugs on the leash gently, kindly, but firmly, so as to make sure the dog gets the message and does not run into oncoming traffic or takes off after another dog or skateboarder. However, the dog also has freedom. He can investigate, pee, poop wherever he likes. The dog walker picks up the poop for safe disposal. The dog has free rein on movement within the limits of the leash length. He also can request a change of route, and the dog walker often obliges. He can spend as much sniffing time he wants on the walk on one particular fence or hydrant or tree stump. The walker is patient and often finds the investigative nature of the dog quite amusing. The walker observes that the dog eventually completes his investigation and moves on, and does not stay on one item for too long. It is the nature of a dog. The walker decides when it is time to get home and rest, and expertly herds the dog home. Usually this whole process is a very fulfilling experience for both the dog walker and the dog. They are both very happy after the walk, refreshed and peaceful.
This dog walking process is no different from how we train the mind, on the meditation cushion and off the cushion. There is no harshness in the process. The process (walk) is kindful and pleasant, but directed and efficient. This is the right method of training for anything, be it for a sport, or a skill. There can be firmness, but there need not be any harshness. This subtlety is often lost on the teachers and pupils. When there is harshness, the whole training process is strained and often painful and leads to a bitter experience for both. Hence, when trying to train the mind for anything, be it a new diet, or workout plan, or learning to play an instrument, or studying for the exam, the process has to be similar to walking the dog. Allow the mind to investigate, pee, and poop when it needs to. Pick up the poop. Make a plan for the walk and firmly follow it, with allowance for little variations here and there. Let the mind roll and stop where it likes, watch amused how it likes to sniff and pee on useless objects, watch how it often wants to run after other dogs or skateboarders, watch how it does not know how and when to cross the road and needs your wisdom to help it. As the wisdom faculty develops, it is very kind to the restless mind energy, it is compassionate, it is loving and caring. It knows where the destination is and which way to go and the time limitations, that is extremely clear. But it allows the mind to roam about along the way, to allow that mind to express itself, even if it is mere peeing and pooping. There is no resentment whatsoever. There is understanding - look, this is the nature of the mind, it pees and poops. So the wisdom faculty (the dog walker) is gentle with that nature.
I understand self-love as this process. This is taking care ourselves. It is not about massages, and mani-pedi, or vacations, or restaurants, or climbing mountains, or even sex. While those are very nice and pleasurable activities and should be done when needed. The true self-care is about learning how the nature of this mind really is, and then wisely direct it from unwholesome towards wholesome, without any ill-will or anger or harshness towards the task at hand, caring for it with boundless love and patience (and picking up the poop too!!).
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